(Discontinued) ⚣ METANOIA ! technobladexmalereader

The misuderstandings of love

**pls read this A/N

This is going to be a heavy angst chapter with mentions of death, failure, a corpse, murder (?), swears(?) and other just generally sad topics.

Please skip this chapter if this is a sensitive topic.**

Techno's pov

This is our last travel. After this last journey we should be back at Erihurst and I can fix everything.

Me, Kasumi and y/n are riding the horse for the last time. Y/n's limp yet stiff body pinned between me and kasumi. I feel horrible, unhuman, this doesn't feel morally right and it's probably not. But we're selfish, and we need y/n so we will make that sacrifice. Maybe it isn't fair for y/n but I don't think his death was fair ether.

I can see the city of Erihurst not too far away, maybe another 30-45 mins if we continue going this speed.

I've never done this before. I've never felt an attachment to someone that I feel selfish when loving them. I've never wanted to reverse death for a person because I loved them so much. It's not the same of loving someone in your family, when you love someone as a family member you would help them through hell. But I would go through hell with y/n, I would go through hell FOR y/n.

I never thought about how much I'd sacrifice for y/n. I didn't realize how much I was in love with y/n until he was dead. Maybe that's the most pathetic thing about love, you can't see how much they mean to you so you can't image yourself without them, but when they leave you feel selfish for wanting them in your image.

All these emotions and thoughts they would have never happened without him. Seeing what he would do for his friend. I want to be the one that sacrifices everything for him, I want to be the one who he sacrifices everything for and it's selfish.

Truly, y/n is to hard on himself, even if he has done bad things. He just needs to learn how to fix those mistakes and help others not make the mistakes he's made. It's ok to feel guilty over a mistake, That means you've understood that you've messed up and you have to do is fix that mistake.

My fathers kingdom sees me as this prince, this role model and expectation to be a great king, but really I'm fool, a fool for this flawed, hurt, amazing person. Even if some see him has a villain, I want him to see me has his lover. He may be hated throughout the kingdom, for his mistakes but I want to help him through those mistakes.

I feels like even as a so called flawless person that everyone looks up too, I don't deserve y/n, Because I'm selfish. But I'd learn not to be selfish for him, I'd learn how to love someone with him.

But, also maybe Kasumi is right. What if I don't know y/n as much as I think I do? I mean, kasumi and y/n have been together forever, even if it is have been only as friends, what's stopping them from being lovers? They could run off and never see me again, be free.

But he hasn't yet, right? Him and kasumi has have maybe chances to leave me behind, even if kasumi is certainly blind, it wouldn't be impossible.

But it wouldn't be the same if me and y/n were lovers, because if kasumi and y/n were lovers, kasumi has every right to take him away from me. But if me and y/n were lovers I have no right to take him away from Kasumi and that I understand, I will make sure to never suppurate the two, love is definitely not an excuse to suppurate friends.

If I want to know if y/n loves me I'd have to prove to him that he's worth loving, so that if he doesn't love me he'll be able to love someone else. But if he does love me too then I'll slowly learn with him to love ourselves so that we can love each other better. Because love isn't about being someone's, or someone being yours, it's about loving the other person for loving themselves and them doing the same for you.

I would do that for y/n. I just hope that he would do it for me, but it's ok if he won't, I'm ok with it. He's not obligated to love me back or anyone for that matter. But I just can't let him die, knowing that I can save him. That makes me selfish and I'm ok with that, so is Kasumi, and maybe, just maybe so is he.

Now when I realized all of this, he's dead and leaned up against my back. How could I be so stupid? Why couldn't I figure it out earlier? Why did it take him dying for me to figure out that I'm in love with him? Prime, I'm really shit at expressing my emotions clearly, that wasn't hard to figure out.

Again tears begin to leak from my eyes, I feel like a failure. Even as he is dead and I know I can save him. It took me so long to admit the obvious. It's a pathetic feeling, loving someone when knowing that you would have denied it not so long ago.

It'll get better after this. I'll make sure it will get better, even if my father tries to stop it, even if the kingdom hates it. I need to make it better for him, for both of them.

I know it will get better because I can see the gates of Erihurst. I can see the full moon over the castle. I can see the glow of lights coming from the city.

The streets are empty, it's quiet. This is definitely the perfect time to come back from this journey. I ride on the tired horse down the stone pathway leading to the main entrance of the castle.

Kasumi's must be asleep, I haven't heard a sob from him in while. The poor boy, I suppose maybe we could find a way to regain his vision, he deserves it.

I stop the horse at the doors of my castle.

"THE PRINCE HAS RETURNED, OPEN THE DOORS." A guard shouts only seconds after I arrived at the doors.

Everything is going to get better.

❦

Sad sad chapter.
But I tried to be metaphorical but umm trashbag is literally aromatic and I've haven't been in a relationship before sooooo...
Yeah I'm angsty sad.

-Alabaster

Ps. philza in this story is not homophobic I just wanted to make that clear lmao, he literally couldn't care less I think he'd be more concerned about the fact that y/n is a murder.