Control.

"The clock's ticking."

Bucky POV

The super soldier drives in silence, letting the open road and the soft zig zags calm his nerves a bit. The tall buildings of the city slowly turn into tall trees, decorated with large mansions and small cabins.

In 108 years, leaving you on the street begging for him to stay, was one of the hardest things he's ever done. Probably the worst since this time it was completely his choice. No one forced him, no one ordered him, no one brainwashed him. No, Bucky left you of his own free will and now more than ever, he hates himself.

He almost places his hand in Sam's leg, an automatic gesture he picked up with you. He stops himself and holds back to the wheel again, too tightly.

Sam eyes him carefully but stays silent for a couple of hours. His friend knew well enough to give him some time to cool down.
Of course, it wouldn't last forever. He never seems to keep his mouth shut.

"Okay, now that you've finally slowed down to speed limit, can we talk?" The man crosses his arms, unable to contain his own anger.

The red pullover he's wearing stretches with his muscles, making them more prominent. They're paired with a pair of dark jeans that Sam picked up in a hurry when Bucky said he was leaving. He manage to convince the super soldier to let him join on the drive.

Bucky doesn't say anything, huffing to himself. He knows what's coming and he's really not in the mood to deal with Captain America.

"Dude, you can't just sweep this under the rug." Sam presses on.
"What do you want me to do, Wilson?" Bucky mutters through his teeth, keeping his eyes forward, trying desperately to not think about you.
"Turn this car back around and go get your girl." The Captain speaks like it's obvious, like it's so simple.

Bucky shakes his head. "I can't."

"Look, Y/N is like a sister to me but I'm not blind. She's gorgeous and funny and sweet and a hell of a woman." Sam smirks to himself ironically. "Honestly, what more can you ask for?"

"You're right. She's all of that and that's exactly why I can't turn back." Bucky barks up at his friend.

He doesn't get it, how could he? You are everything Bucky could ever ask for, everything he didn't even know to ask for. But with him, there was no future.

"I can't even sleep with her, Sam." The super soldier side-eyes Sam to see him raise his eyebrow in doubt. "I mean actually sleep, get your mind out of the gutter."
"Are you still having nightmares?" The sentence pretty much answers itself but Bucky still nods.

"Not as much, but sometimes." He breathes in deeply. "What's she supposed to do when I wake up in the middle of the night screaming in Russian? I can't do that to her. So I just stay there until she falls asleep and stare at her and then I leave. Like a fucking crazy person."
"To be fair, you are a crazy person." Sam snickers making Bucky roll his eyes.

"Yeah and she's better off without me."

Sam exhales for what seems like forever, rubbing his forehead in frustration. "Did it ever occur to you that that's her choice to make?"

Bucky simply shakes his head. The sun is well settled into the sky by now and he wonders what're doing.
Better than most, he knows what's like to have no control over your choices. But this was different, it was for your own good. Or so he told himself.

The horrific memory of you clutching the side of the car flicks into his mind again. Your words playing on repeat endlessly, like a sick punishment.

I love you. He doesn't even remember the last time someone told him that. Probably his mom, when he left for the war. He can barely recall her face anymore. It's a kind of sorrow he doesn't wish on anyone.