chapter 18 : good enough

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Pen and Eloise squealed in delight as they sat across from each other, eating croissants under the moonlight in Penelope's bedroom.

"And Pen, could you imagine when I couldn't find the letter?" Eloise whispered in giggles, not wanting to be too loud, as it was already nightfall and the last thing they needed was unwanted attention from Mrs.Featherington.

"I really can't," Penelope sighed mindlessly, as she lay on her back and gazed at the moon that shone brightly outside her window.

Pen had been given the smaller rooms of her sisters, and though she complained at first, she secretly didn't mind. With a first-hand glimpse of the Bridgerton house during the day and the moon that shone at night, she knew she had the best view.

Eloise didn't seem to notice Pen's mind wandering off as she continued her ranting, "and Benedict, oh he was so sweet and kind and caring, it was perfect," Eloise gushed.

She sighed loudly and whispered again, "I'm actually happy it happened. Benedict was just the-"

"I'm so envious that you have a brother," Penelope interrupted, making Eloise stare, only now realizing how long she had been prattling on for.

"I wish I had one," Penelope sighed as she picked up a danish, ripping it in half.

"You can have mine," Eloise chuckled. "Gregory already loves you, Anthony and Benedict like having you around and ... "

An awkward silence filled the room, the air suddenly becoming cold and Eloise walked over to the window, shutting it halfway.

"You should talk to Colin," she blurted out.

"Eloise no," Penelope answered immediately as she groaned and laid her back against the wall.

"Well why not," Eloise whined. "Is it not worth a try?"

Penelope sighed, she knew Eloise just wouldn't understand. Penelope had dealt with years of unreciprocated affection, and nothing was going to change that now. She buried her hands into her head, just wanting to forget about her feelings.

"Penelope," Eloise murmured as she scooted over to her best friend and grabbed her hand. "I love you and I love my brother, and though I can't believe I didn't see it for the longest time, the two of you would make a perfect match."

Penelope didn't move, all she wanted at that moment was to forget. Or at least, pause time long enough, so she could forget about Colin and move on. She scoffed as if that was even remotely possible.

"You should try to talk to him Pen."

"You don't understand!" Penelope huffed, as she raised her head and leaned it against the wall.

"Pen, I really think I-"

"Have you seen me?" Pen sputtered, her voice beginning to crack.

"He would never want someone like this!" Penelope cried, burying her head again. "I'm not what he wants," her voice breaking with every word.

Eloise saw the tears fall from her best friend's face and her heart broke in two.

She looked out the window, praying to the sky and stars to present her with an answer. As expected, she didn't receive one. "He'd be lucky to have you, you know that right?"

"You don't get to say that!" Penelope shouted, scaring Eloise, who flinched away.

"I'm sorry," Pen whispered as she wiped the tears off her cheeks. "It's just you're a Bridgerton. Your family has dignity, and grace, Daphne married a duke, you have wonderful siblings, a mother who," her voice broke, "who cares about you."

"You know when Marina was here, she said something to me that often rings in my mind. She said that Colin only sees me as a younger sister.  And nothing more. In her defense, she was angry at the time and said it purely out of spite, but I can't shake it out of my head. What if she's right?" Pen shook her head, "she might as well be."

Eloise had no idea what to say, she was speechless and felt guilty for not knowing Pen was torturing herself for this long.

"You know she's not right? It's not true, you're just as-"

"Have you seen Marina?" Penelope interrupted harshly. "The other girls he courts? We're as different as day and night."

Eloise grabbed Pen's face and held it in her hands, squishing her cheeks, trying to form a smile. "Penelope Featherington, you are absolutely beautiful."

She leaned closer to Pen and began to whisper "dear, if you were like me and Mabel, I'm completely sure we'd courting you right now."

Pen only stared back, her mouth in a thin line, her eyes glossy and cold.

"I'm serious," Eloise chuckled. She stood up and dramatically placed her arms out in the air as if she was performing in a play. "I'd be outside your house, singing sonnets at your bedroom window, cherishing you with only the most wonderful gifts every morning, composing only the most romantic poems for the most beautiful girl. Winning you over with danishes and only the finest biscuits."

Penelope's mouth formed a smile and instantly burst out into laughter, she couldn't believe Eloise's frankness.

Eloise got on her knees to face Pen and laced her hands into her own, "that's how much I mean when I say that you are the most remarkable person I know. You're smart, beautiful, and just so incredible. You, Penelope, are simply amazing. And if my brother doesn't see that, then it's his loss."

"Thank you, Eloise," Pen smiled tearfully as she kissed her friend on the cheek, wondering that perhaps her friend did have a point.

That night, as she waved Eloise goodnight from her window, she thought back to their conversation and every single one before.

Penelope never acted on her feelings towards Colin because she thought deep down, that she wasn't good enough for him.

But was that even true?

She'd convinced herself that he could do better but maybe she could too?

As she fell asleep, she realized she had 2 choices: she could either move on or she would have to tell him how she felt.

And by the time she woke up the next morning, she knew exactly what her decision was.

~~~~~~~~~

A/N

hope you enjoyed loves

i love their friendship, on paper and screen

please vote & comment if you enjoyed 🥰

have a lovely night,

V Knightly

🌚🌚

11/09/2021

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