When The Light Dims

Chapter 20: Sopuru

"Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed as a prophet to the nations."
–Jeremiah 1:5

I found myself at Kayode's front door. Do you want to go on with this? You can turn back now and save yourself the heartbreak. You don't have to do this. I begged my legs either to move but they remained glued to the spot. Being so inquisitive to know the truth, I mustered courage and knocked twice but no one responded for about five minutes of waiting. Seeing his BMW parked outside, I was convinced that he was in. I kept at it until someone opened the door. I gasped as soon as I caught sight of the black circle around his left eye.

"What's wrong with your eye?" I lunged for him but he stepped back.

"What are you doing here?"

"We have to discuss something important. The whole school has pictures of me..." I stared at my feet. My cheeks grew hot. "Nude," I finished.

I waited for him to tell me it was a mistake. He accidentally took the pictures but someone hacked into his phone and shared them.

"So, why are you here?" Resting on the door, he took a bite out of the apple as though he couldn't care less about my situation.

A wave of fury encompassed me. I wanted to slap myself on the spot for falling for him. I gritted my teeth. "You did it."

Before he could respond, an older girl appeared from the living room barefooted, having just a lingerie to cover her skin.

"What's keeping you so busy, Love?"

Love. My nose flared.

Her flattened hair, long legs and dark rich skin made her look like she was taken out of VOUGUE magazine cover.

"Oh!" She acknowledged that I was standing by the door way. She slipped her hands around Kayode's waist and kissed his neck before slightly biting the same spot. My blood boiled under my skin.

"Who's this?" Her gaze travelled down my clothes. She gave me as much attention as she would have given a rat.

"It's a friend from school. She's just about to leave."

A friend. Friend. I repeated the word in my head. I felt my heart being stabbed. No. It was worse. It was shredded. I stared at him; and my vision became blurry due to the tears that filled my eyes. There was no doubt in my heart that he never loved and cared for me. He needed me alright but to warm his bed before he found someone more interesting.

"Bye." He shut the door.

I could hear them giggle in their own little world. I forced myself to get out before I broke down.

I had lost my dignity at school and become a laughing stock to everyone. I could imagine the headlines news on The Crown Blog; Viral nudes of stupid fresher smashed by the "baddest" fuckboy in school.

He used me and I blindly believed him without heeding to the signs even when Jernora warned me. Tears poured down my face like a heavy shower as I walked down the streets of Lagos. My phone rang again for the millionth time but I ignored it. My shoulders fell as I dragged my legs on the granites.

Dark clouds gathered around the moon, dimming its light. It rained cats and dogs without warning, not sparing a single soul on the road as I watched the men, women and children run for shelter.

I was drenched to the extent the flood rose to my ankles. I couldn't imagine going back to Nora or her parents even as the cold penetrated my skin. I didn't deserve their love and kindness anymore; moreover, that never my home. The empty streets reminded me that I was alone in the world. The worthless feeling that no one ever wanted me, both my parents and the first guy I gave my heart to.

There was no light at the end of the tunnel.

I heard a soft voice in my head. There is still hope for you. Several times, Jernora's parents repeated to me. "As far as there is life, there is hope. God loves each and everyone of us."

All lies. God never loved me. He brought me to this earth to suffer. When Jernora stepped into my life, I only deceived myself thinking things would get better. If God loved me, he would have left me with my parents. He wouldn't take away my memory. He wouldn't let me suffer at the hands of people. He would have warned me to stay away from Kayode.

Yet, he did nothing.

I didn't realize how far I had walked until I found myself clenching the metal railings of a bridge. I shrieked when a car passed me, splashing muddy water all over me. But I let the whooshing sound of the water underneath distract me. Hunching forward, I looked at the lagoon roar as it continued to rain from heaven. "Why can't you go back to where you came from because no one would even feel your absence"? The thought gnawed at me, tempting with each second that passed as I continued to stare at the water's dark surface.

My way out.

I slid off my shoes. Gripping the railings, I pulled myself up. It was slippery, almost causing me to lose balance. The cement under my feet was as cold as the night. Loud honks increased in the background. My phone rang out but I threw it on the pavement. No use for it now.  I took one more look into the water and I knew what I had to do. I shut my eyes and let go.

Piercing screams arose from the bridge. All I felt was bliss as my body hit the surface of the cold water. The currents pulled my body underneath and I didn't struggle. It brought peace rather than fear.

Mira. The same voice from the streets called but I didn't know anyone who bared that name.

Mira.

I opened my eyes and watched as a white light swam towards me. It flowed to the tips of my fingers with a warm, tingling sensation.

I'm not Mira.

I called you Mira even before you were in your mother's womb for you are light.

The light kissed my lips, sending a jolt of energy through my entire body. Different memories, I wasn't sure whose, began to flow into my mind. A younger form of me who was left in a shed but later kidnapped and kept in the cave with other abducted children. The shipwreck on the high sea and other events flashed through my mind.

My family. Jesus Christ!

My body drained of energy as I seeped into the darkness.