A million miles [Billie Eilish]

New beginning

"They did everything they could... I'm so sorry Reese, Tom didn't make it." I jolted my body into an upright position which I immediately regretted when I felt a shooting pain travel down my spine. Man, I got to stop falling asleep on the sofa.

I never used to have nightmares, I never even used to wake up during the night - now it's at least once, if not twice.

My phone lit up from the coffee table which I was thankful for since I couldn't see shit. I looked over and noticed it was two-thirty in the morning,
naturally, I also peered at the notification.

___________________________________

iMessage
Billie

hi I know ur probs sleeping i jus wanted to let u know that im sorry for showing up today

it's fine

i miss u

________________________________

*BILLIES POV*

I couldn't sleep. Not that being awake all night isn't normal for me, but i really could not fucking sleep. I mean, sure I could blame it on the let-lag but it wasn't that at all.

It was Reese. She's all I could think about; well, her and how badly I fucked up. I mean, who the fuck does that?

I told her I loved her, and then I left. I knew what she was going through - I knew that losing Tom was and would be the hardest thing she'd ever have to go through and I didn't care. Do I love her? She knew what I was up to, she knew all about Q and she still begged for my attention because she needed me that much.

Maybe I don't love her... no, I do. I love her so much it kills me. I can try to convince myself that I don't give a shit about her all I want, I can attempt to pretend that it doesn't rip me to shreds, but it does and I know it does.

She's never going to believe me. She's never going to hear me when I say I'm sorry. I can't blame her really, I ruined her trust. I had her whole fucking heart in my hands and threw it away like it meant nothing.

I'm such a fucking idiot.

Fuck it. I'm texting her. She'll be asleep, I know she will. She's never awake through the night. It doesn't matter though, she can read it in the morning. Shit. My thumb pressed send before I intended it to. I don't even know what I said. Fuck.

To my surprise I got a response almost immediately why is she awake? The fuck? Her response was a shitty 'i'm fine' I wanted to badly to self-pity, but I'd ignored her for weeks. Even her shitty response was too kind.