Wrong for Me

28|pleasure

DANTE MANCINI—SEPTEMBER

AS NAOMI AND I walked hand-in-hand along the beach, I found that it was nearly impossible for me to take my eyes off of her. Everything about her captivated me; the rows of braids in her hair, the soft expression that always resided on her face. She suddenly turned to gaze up at me as well, a tender look in her eyes that almost made me wonder if she was feeling what I was feeling in that moment.

With Naomi, for the first time I felt like I could open up to someone without fear of judgement, like she would just understand me. It was so out of my nature that it took me by surprise when I suddenly felt inclined to share myself with her and listen intently to everything she had to say. It made me realize just how lackluster my past relationships—if they could be called that—had been.

"Why are you staring at me?" She spoke with that look still in her eyes, unknowingly melting me with the way she did it.

"It's hard for me not to."

This had her cheeks flushing and knowing her well enough at this point, I caught her chin in my fingers just before she turned her head to face away from me.

"You always turn away when I compliment you. Why, sweetheart?"

The smile on her face fell at the sound of my words, that look disappearing from her eyes and making me with I could just take those words back. But it was too late.

Instead, I interlaced our fingers yet again and we continued our walk down the beach towards whatever she had set up for dinner. Finally, in the distance I could see shining lights and a large, bright red blanket covering the sand.

"How'd you do this?"

"Khalil and Lauren set it up for me while you and I were at the pool with Anna," she explained, tugging my arm as she began running in the direction of the blanket. "But I planned it all."

We finally reached the setting of our dinner and I had to admit I was quite impressed with what she had come up with. Laid out all over the blanket were white rose petals, white lights hung on decorated wooden stakes and were strung over the blanket, and dishes laid out that were all hidden from our view at this point.

Before I could stop myself, I turned to face her and muttered, "This is the best birthday I've had."

Her eyes widened in surprise before I had even processed my words and yet again it was too late for me to take it back. And then that beautiful smile of hers broke out again, giving at least an ounce of reassurance about her thoughts even if I hadn't intended to be this open with her at the moment.

"I'm glad, Dante. You really deserve it."

We took our seats on the blanket and I couldn't keep my eyes off of her as she made sure everything was organized and laid out precisely. It was weirdly attractive to me. Reaching into a wicker basket, she pulled out a bottle of wine and glasses as well an old polaroid, setting them both beside our food as we began to eat.

The entire time, our conversation ventured from her upcoming semester to whether the sun was prettier when it was setting or rising. I of course said rising was much better.

"Tell me something I don't know about you yet, Dante. Something...deep," Naomi spoke up as we ate, her eyes locked on the setting sun before us.

I despised these kinds of questions, ones that made people pity me or treat me differently. When women I dated used to ask me these types of questions, that would be the point where I broke it off and moved on—I couldn't handle it. But with Naomi, I knew that if I wanted this relationship to go anywhere I couldn't keep her clueless about my past and who and I really am. It was a new realization of mine, but I was willing to try.