NOCTURN BRIDE • genshin Impact | ✓

CHAPTER TWENTY ONE.

living was a burden that she despised carrying. at times, the apostle would wonder — how did people find the courage to live? let alone, why did they want to stay alive.

her lips parted, before releasing an exhilarating sigh. the concept of living, so simple yet complicated. the do's and don't, the wants and needs, the requests and demands; absolutely famishing.

she simply couldn't live by the rules.

if the apostle were dead, she would experience pure bliss. because the ability to forget, for her own consciousness to not know that it existed as her thoughts could slowly drift into an abyss of unknown.

but no, living was like an anchor that shackled her ankles; dragging her down to the deepest depths of hell, forcing her to relive the experience of pain.

"guizhong, i send you my regards." when the apostle was alive, she only saw the brightness and light. similar to an fairytale, where she believed that she was the heroine, and that she had met her prince charming. "perhaps i'll see you when i arrive in hell. we would have a lovely catch-up."

only for her to realise that her story didn't end with a happily ever after.

during the archon war, it was chaos. of course, although she was rex lapis's partner, she had unfortunately submitted herself to the corruption. as zhongli once said, regardless friends-turned-foes, he would show no mercy.

even if she — guizhong — was once his lover.

"the way you loved mortals. no, rather, the way we used to love humans." hastily, the apostle grabbed onto a flower; an archaic petra set, the creviced cliff. an everlasting flower that bloomed, holding onto an exquisite essence of geo; an element she despised so much, yet it came back to haunt her. "i wonder, who made you go into misery? to such lengths for you to turn into dust."

hands tightened into a fist, she vitiated the once beautiful flower, crushing and crumpling its once firm and vivid petals, into nothing more but the mere past.

"i'm so sorry i had to kill you."

perhaps, that period of time when the apostle was alive, she craved for attention. why? well, she had no idea herself. when she was alive, when she was once a mortal, there would be this sinister voice in her head that'd echo within her head.

be better, be better, be the best.

of course, the apostle wasn't the only one. venti, xiao and ganyu — were no different from her past self — as they would desperately seek for validation through some sort of credits. the pleas of "look at me"; to the extent of destroying what they had protected, what they had made, just for her?

now don't get her wrong. the apostle adored the fact they were doing all sorts of acts for her!

but the fact on how easily swayed. how fast they'd changed sides, how they went from justice to evildoers from her words, just showed her how unreliable they were in terms on mentality.

because whatever one can gain easily, is something one can lose as easily.

"i never wanted these to happen... to kill you-" similar to the seven stages of grief; first being shock and denial, second being pain and guilt, third being anger and bargaining, the fourth stage being depression and sorrow. the apostle believed that she was still mourning over the fourth stage. "to murder you with my very own hands, i hated myself."

although grieving over the past was something only mortals did, the apostle was raised as a mortal. she stepped foot in teyvat learning what emotions, relations and devotion is. how it felt, what it's like to be a human.

what it's like to lose a friend.

perhaps, that was the reason why she held up a smile. a maniac-like manipulative mask so that she would no longer get hurt. so that the walls she's built would protect her until her dying breath.

so that she wouldn't need to carry the burden and pain of losing another who was once precious to her.

"ah~ why am i talking to the grave?" letting out an airy giggle, completely different from the mood before, the apostle's lips plastered on a grin. laughing and smiling acted as some sort of, coping mechanism. sure, it was rather dark and not the most ideal method, but it worked. "hm hm... anyways i just came here to say goodbye! it seems that after my mission has been completed, the heavenly deities would take away my curse of living~"

so she could die in tranquil peace and salvation.

"did i tell you about my plan? oh dear me, it seems like i had forgotten!" clasping her hands together, she sighed. "i don't have much time, so i'll be quick~"

it was as if the weather read the apostle's mood; a harsher gust of breeze brushed past her. a tranquil chaos that signified death.

death is nearing, death is coming. for the fall of a god, death will arrive.

death is her.

"i'll murder rex lapis just like how he made me kill you."

first, her very two hands will grapple onto his neck — using her cryo delusion alongside anemo vision, she'd then freeze it like cold swirly flames; a wintry phoenix that'd illuminate like a crystal sun. then, after restricting his movements, she would slowly enhance her hands with the blessings of geo, before plunging it into his thumping heart and ripping it out mercilessly — that, was her plan.

she's hated him so much that a part of her wanted to kill herself for wielding that awful vision of his.

she wanted to destroy that part of her.

"i'll make sure he'll fall along with me."

and so, she'd destroy the god himself.

━━━━━

( CHAPTER XXI )