KorrAsami: You Can't be Replaced

Chapter 6: The Demons of Ones Mind

TW: Suicidal thoughts and Self harm

Korra woke up to the sound of Naga trying to get comfortable at the foot of her bed. She looked at her dog and threw head back onto the pillow with a sigh.

Lately sleep was becoming a luxury that Korra didn't have much of. She tried everything from listening to music to white noise. The main reason she couldn't sleep was her mind. The nightmares of all of the wrong doings she did before her parents death, all of the heart ache she caused them would hit her.

There were many times Korra wished she would've been the one to die so Kourtney could have both their parents back. Korra often wondered if she would've just killed herself, her parents would have been alive today, they would've never gone on vacation and they would be here right now. Korra felt like if she died Kourtney would have her best friends, her parents back. I don't deserve anything. I don't Kourtney, I don't deserve Asami, I don't deserve to be alive.

Korra remembered the promises she made to Kya, Lin, and Kourtney. Korra stared at the ceiling, all she could hear was the faint snoring of her best friend laying at her feet. Korra only knew one thing that would take her mind off of the pain of living, if she wanted to keep her promise she had to do it.

Korra slid out of bed and opened one of the drawers of her dresser. She hid a razor blade under her underwear drawer. Korra didn't want anyone to know that she did this so she snuck to the bathroom and locked the door.

Korra took off her hoodie and sat against the wall, the razor blade pushed into the skin of her forearm. She slowly slid the blade across her skin drawing blood. She repeated this action multiple more times until she let the blade hit the floor and let the pain in her arm numb the pain in her head.

Korra could feel the blood slide down her wrist and the tears down her face. She felt like such a failure, letting down her remaining family and the people who cared for her. This time all cutting did was make her numb for a little bit and then the demons of her mind came rushing back to fill the space once again.

Korra contemplated putting the blade to her wrist and ending her life, but she would be leaving behind people who loved and cared for her to mourn her and possibly cause them more pain, that was something Korra wouldn't allow to happen. She knew people loved her but it didn't stop the guilt and blame she pushed on herself.

Korra was snapped back to reality when she could feel the warm blood running down her arm and onto the white tile floor. She sighed, cleaned herself up then the floor and made her way back to the darkness of her room. The only place Korra could really feel like herself.

Korra put a long sleeved shirt on before she went back to bed. She found herself staring at the ceiling again, this time she could feel the sting of pain on her forearm and at that moment it clouded the pain in her mind.

Korra quickly realized that she didn't sleep when she saw the sky outside her window start to light up. She then remembered that she forgot to text her girlfriend, "Of fucking course." She whispered.

Korra laid in bed until the familiar knock on the door and the sound of her sister telling her to wake up. Then Lin opened the door.

"Korra, take Naga out before you leave." Lin was never a morning person. Korra sighed and looked at her dog who stared back at her.

"Let's go girl." Korra got out of bed, slipped on her slides and hooked Naga to a leash. She walked Naga down the street to a little grass field so she could do her business. The cold wind hit her like a brick. She let Naga sniff around before they returned home.