When There Is Hope

(1) Hope In Life

Life is a very amazing yet mysterious thing to me. Sometimes it's so constant that it feels like we are on a loop but sometimes it changes so drastically that it feels like you are watching a movie from a third point of view and the scenes are changing in front of your eyes without your control. Still what I don't understand is the purpose of life.

My life was never mysterious to me it was constant from as long as I can remember in the 15 years of living. Wake up ,have breakfast ,dodge my father's hangover, school, study, get bullied by people who are self conscious and emotionally disturbed, get back home, prepare dinner, try to dodge my father again ,homework, sleep and then repeat.

I felt really alone in my life I had no good friends , my dad......
he used to be something to me at one point in my life but after my mom's sudden death he changed drastically.

He started being physical with me and the worst part was that at one point of my life I thought that I deserved it for being imperfect and disobedient but as I grew up I realise my thinking was wrong.

But today was not a constant in my life. My morning usually starts with my dad yelling at me for preparing food at time but today it started with a doorbell at 3 am. When I saw alot of police officer's at the door my heart started to beat loudly.

I gently opened the door and the lady officer looked at me with an unreadable emotion and said

"Dear I am here to inform you that your father Erick Jones has met with an accident close to midnight while drunk driving and died on impact."

My eyes widened I didn't knew how to feel sad, happy, gloomy what....
I tried to think of something to say but I couldn't.

"I know it's hard dear but you have to be strong right now. We found a lot of illegal drugs in your father's car so we have to ask you some questions regarding that and since you are still a minor we also need to look up for a relative that could take you in their care or well orphanage."

I felt numb I couldn't even speak anything I just lost my dad and I am pretty sure we didn't have any relatives. I took a deep breath and said

"thank you officer and as far as drugs go I didn't have any idea regarding it also I am pretty much sure I don't have any relatives".

"That's fine dear we still need to do a DNA test and you still need to come with us to the station so that we can know about his behaviour and regular activities"
the officer informed me kindly.

I nodded and followed her. The next few hours went by in a blur. They asked me some questions but I genuinely had no idea what they were talking about.

She suspected that I might have been abused but I didn't say anything I don't know why
he was dead but......
he still was my Dad and at one point my hero or maybe the fear that he will come back stopped me I don't know what to say or feel. I guess I was feeling sad hungry sleepy, a little bit relived but worried as well.

Humans can only grow when they adapt to the knew surrounding but I have never done that I always knew what was to come next and I was ready for it both mentally and emotionally maybe that's why I wasn't broken or so I think.

I was anxious and worried and the only question was
What Next?