When There Is Hope

(3) Hope Is Fragile

Dread and anxiousness. These were the only two things I was feeling.
Well who am I kiding I just got to know that the people I referred to as my parents for almost all my life were actually not my parents. I have a family. A very unfamiliar thing for me to have but still this word gave me a whirlwind of emotions and I didn't know exactly how to react or what to do.

It's the next day and my 'brother' will be coming here today.

I hope that this is my stars finally having pity on my miserable condition and showing me light. That maybe I can be truly happy.
When Linda told me that I have a family who is willing to keep me after cross checking the details I looked at her with what I think was 'confused but still not so sure what to feel' look and said "Oh".

If you are not caught up with the likes of me then let me tell you that I take a while to process how I feel and react. I guess they said it right I am slow. My mind goes back to the time when I was imprisoned there.
No don't go back.
.
.
.
I am calm
.
.
.
I am calm
(Disoriented voices )
.
.
.
Please! You promised!!
.
.
.
.
CALM!!!
I took a deep breath. I am not going back there. I have a destructive mind. It takes me back to the most horrible moments of my life which always leads me to believe I deserve everything bad in life. I know feeling those things is bad and I need help but I can't trust other people to help me. They break it in the most horrendous way possible.

After having my breakfast Linda came up to me and said
"Sweety we need to bring you to the local hospital for you regular check up since your medical report history are not updated at all and we need all your papers updated for our procedure"

Shit I did not think this through. I don't want them to know what all was happening to me. They will already get to know about the incident that occurred 4 years ago due to police records. If they got to know that I was abused as well I might loose the chance of getting to know my true family. It might look like I am overthinking but I am not. I do not come alone I come with a very big baggage of issues.

Living with my Da- Erick was different because he never wanted to get to know me or form some sort of bond with me. He just wanted me to be his perfect little doll. If they got to know about my issues of abuse my mental problems, my panic attacks and my blackouts they would surely not want me. We do not share any bond so any sane person would only think that it's stupid to invite a girl who wasn't with us for all her life just to mend her broken pieces and deal with her mental trauma and always be careful around her.

And the sad part is I know I would be a problem because I am not emotionally stable or strong and I have major breakdowns.

I calmed my thoughts and replied with a gentle voice

" Sure I guess. My dad wasn't doing well financially so we didn't go to the doctor's much. Although could you please tell what is the procedure of this checkup."

"Oh it's nothing just your height, weight and blood test to check for any deficiency"
she replied with a smile.

Then she looked at me directly with a serious face and asked
"Sweety I know you are aware that your father died with alcohol in his system and drugs in his car. Upon the postmortem of the body we got to know he was an alcoholic and drug addict. We also went through your school records and were informed that he was never available for the parent teacher meets and other events which all clearly indicate that he was more of an absentee step father. Would you like to add anything else he did to you or told you that you think was wrong?"

My heart start beating faster but before I could think more or muster up my courage I just said
"No he was usually never around so...."

I guess she got the idea and left the topic at that. She took me to the hospital where they did my regular check up. Most of my injuries were at my lower back and ribs and rest were covered with concealer so they did not
notice anything unusual.

After that we went to the police station where my brother was going to meet me. I was unsure of my future and I hated that because I knew that now i have a glimmer of hope inside of me that everything is going to change for better but the problem is my Hope Is Fragile just like I have ever been......

________________________________
So this is the 3 chapter done. Again I would like to remind you guys that this book will focus on healing and moving on in life. I think I will do the next chapter in the brothers pov .
I hope you enjoyed the book. How do you like hope's thinking so far?
Thanks a lot for reading
-🐿️