The Amber Shift

One

Noelle

My chest is rumbling under the weight of my broken heart.

I don't mean that metaphorically; I mean that in the most literal way possible. My body is quivering so badly I can barely stand up straight, the shock waves rolling through my veins crackling with electricity. The one person who would've held me up is the one person who will never even take another breath on this earth. And it's my fault she's gone.

I chose to go out that night with my friends. I watched as they drank too much to drive me home. I waited until after midnight to call my mom and ask her to pick me up. I fell asleep in the car and didn't see the truck swerving across the line.

My mom died on impact, and I walked away with scrapes and bruises. It's because of me that she is laying in the silver casket in front of me. I grip the silver bar on the side and stare at the shiny lid, hoping to see her reflection looking back at me. If I wait just another minute, maybe I'll wake up from this nightmare.

"Miss Hart," says a voice behind me as a hand rests on my elbow. "Please, you need to sit."

I jerk my arm away and shake my head so fast I make myself nauseous. "No," I spit, glaring over my shoulder at the funeral home employee.

I can't sit. I can't breathe. I can't do anything but stand here and pray to whatever God is up there that my mother be returned to me. That I have one more chance to make it right.

But it is impossible. The choices I made that night will forever haunt both my dreams and every waking moment.

She is inside this dark box, battered and broken. The freckles sprinkled across her cheeks are fading. Her blue eyes, always dancing with delight, are forever closed. And her smile...her contagious smile is no more. She is gone.

"Miss Hart, it is time to move the casket to the hearse," the funeral employee whispers in my ear. "I know this is difficult."

I can't seem to take my hand off the casket, gripping the metal until my fingers ache. Tears fill my eyes and the rumbling in my chest intensifies until I am certain something is about to erupt from within me. Maybe my heart itself.

When the employee puts her hand over mine and pries it away, something breaks inside me. My control snaps and I fall to my knees, my anguish pouring out in wails that are coming from deep within me, from some dark, desperate part of my soul I've never felt before.

I swear the tile floor trembles beneath my knees.

"Noelle?" Muscular thighs appear on either side of me, and thick arms wrap around me, pulling me to a broad chest. "Go on and let it out," my uncle says, rocking me back and forth.

Corbin is all I have left, and he's trying so hard to find little ways to fill the void inside me. He flew out from Charleston the moment he heard Mom was gone. The heartache etched into his face was as apparent as mine the moment he stepped off the plane. I waited for him to blame me, to curse me for my stupidity, but the harsh words never came. He pulled me in his arms and whispered that he already missed her.

Uncle Corbin and Mom aren't actual siblings; they were best friends. Since childhood, not a day went by when they didn't communicate with each other in some way. She was a vital part of his life, and that sentiment extended to me. Every birthday and holiday, he was there. He and Mom taught me how to ride a bike and drive a car. He took the honor of conducting my first conversation about boys. This man has been the only father I've ever known.

And now both of our worlds are shattered by the absence of Elizabeth Hart.

I lift my head from his chest to find his shirt soaked with my mascara-laced tears. "I'm sorry for ruining your shirt," I say, wiping the back of my hands over my eyes.