Love, is not for us

#31 - Mother & Daughter

Tiara

"Twinkle twinkle little star~", sings Luke as he soothes Nolan to sleep. I had just managed to get Niall to sleep in his crib. He looks at me and gives me a thumbs up indicating he can handle this, so I quietly walk out of the twins' room. I try my best to push aside the thought of James in Luke's place.

I enter the kitchen and find my mother drying up the last dish. She notices my presence and asks, "They're asleep?"

"Niall is. Luke is getting Nolan to sleep too.", she nods and proceeds to make us a hot chocolate.

She places a cup in front of me before taking a seat opposite of me. "Thanks, mother."

She shakes her head while waving her hand and we just stayed in awkward silence.

She has been supportive during this visit, guiding me to take care of the twins. The things that you can't learn from books and videos. I realised that all the preparations I've done and memorized is not nearly as close as the real thing.

After a few minutes, Luke walks into the kitchen breaking our silence, "Hey, they're both fast asleep. I better get going."

"Ohh, thanks, Luke. Hot chocolate first, before you go?"

"Nah, it's okay. I've early shift tomorrow.", he says as he picks up his things.
He ruffles my hair, "Anything, just give me a call okay. If I can't be there, I'll get Anna or my parents to come to you. Don't even think twice." He raises his fist towards me and I bump with mine. "I promise. Safe drive home."

—-

Taking care of a newborn really drains your energy, having double of them is a no joke. If not because they tire me out, I doubt I could even sleep.

I was fast asleep in the twins' room when Niall suddenly wakes up crying. I haven't slept in our room since I came back here. My mother takes the extra room, leaving the bedroom untouched. Most of my things are here too. I don't have the heart to be in that room where we share the most memories together, I can still feel him, smell him in there.

Whatever going on with him, I guess I should be grateful that he left instead of kicking us out, so I still have access to this apartment. Here is more spacious, convenient as it has more room than my old place. I supposed he really did think things through when he moved me here. These thoughts always bring me to wonder, Then, why did you leave James? What went wrong?  Your last words were that you love me.

I'm trying to lull Niall back to sleep. I had sleepily drag myself with Niall in my arms to the living room to not wake Nolan.

"Shh shh, Niall please go back to sleep.. Mummy's here.. Are you hungry?"

But his cries gets louder instead, and end up waking Nolan. Oh no.

I walk quickly to check on Nolan. "Boys.. shh mummy's here."
Suddenly I'm at loss not sure how to handle this. Everything that I had planned in my head to tackle this didn't work.

I start to panic when mother rush in, probably woken up by their tears. "Let me get Nolan."

I don't know what magic she did, no matter how bad our relationship is, she's still my mother and it proves she's a skilled one when she manages to get Nolan back to sleep within minutes.