Help! | McLennon

Broken Wings

"Close your eyes and I'll kiss you
Tomorrow I'll miss you..." Paul found himself singing under his breath. That damn song had been stuck in his head for the last two days and it was driving him mad. He pushed himself out of his bed with dread. His bones and head were rattling as usual when he was coming down from a high. The headache was turning everything around into a blurry mess of colors and Paul groaned as a strong wave nausea crushed into him.

After talking to George and Ringo he had started to feel more emotional again and he wasn't enjoying it one bit. Being in the bed where him and John used to sleep or cuddle together was nothing but painful now. It was making him think of their relationship more and more and wonder how it might have gone if he hadn't been such a failure.

As Paul opened the top drawer of his nightstand, he noticed that his drug stash was almost used all up. He would need to figure out a way to get it refilled as soon as possible. He took what was left and scattered it on the floor carelessly. He had tried injecting a few times, but the idea of needles was still making him uncomfortable. He used his shaky hands to form the white powder into three lines. He covered his left nostril and leaned in. He was so used to the process that he did all of it almost without thinking. When he breathed in he experienced the familiar and intense burning in his nose. It hurt a tiny bit harder than it would usually do. For a moment he felt disgusted with himself and what he was doing. Only for a short moment though. Anytime he began to think about how unpleasant some parts of the drug taking were, he thought back to the times when was sober. Almost everything would remind him of his addiction and increase the ever lasting cravings. Every day would turn into just another challenge. It had been hell and there was nothing that could push Paul back into being clean.

No, actually, there was one thing that could perhaps manage to do that. More like had been, because John was gone now and he was not coming back.

Paul crawled back into bed, slipped under the thick duvet and was about to try and take a nap, but suddenly another wave of nausea got to him. At the same time there came a knock on the front door, which he had more or less managed to put back in its place after Ringo and George decided to break in like bloody animals.

First, Paul made his way up to the bathroom, but he ended up vomitting in the middle of the corridor anyway. As he was trying to catch up with his breath and calm down his racing heart, he heard another knock and he headed in that direction. He wasn't sure why he was doing it exactly. Only a minute earlier he wanted nothing more than to be left alone. Now the he high was really kicking in and he just couldn't help but want to find out who wanted to see him now.

He used his left hand to wipe off his nose and a short, dry chuckle left his mouth when he saw blood stains on his sleeve. Finally he used his other hand to pull the handle and his heart skipped a beat when he saw who was standing on the other side.

"John! How have you been, mate?" Paul offered the other a cheesy grin. He laughed slightly at John's terrified face expression, but soon enough he became more serious. The state which he currently found himself in was making him go through a thousand emotions in barely five seconds. Frankly, it was quite confusing and annoying. He could feel his eyes getting a bit glassy and he wiped at his nose again.

"You're bleeding," John pointed out, his voice coming out more shaky and unconfident than Paul had heard it in a very long time. The fact that John was there, right now, was slowly getting to Paul's head. This wasn't just a hallucination anymore. John, flesh and bones, was literally standing there. It caused an uncomfortable, sinking feeling in his stomach, which soonly began to transform into anger.

"You're... here."

"Can I come in?" John barely finished asking his question before he got a response and it turned out to be the one he hadn't been wishing to hear.