Help! | McLennon

Changes

Paul's eyelids fluttered open about half an hour later as the car entered a more uneven road, which meant that they were getting closer to George's house. Suddenly his ears cought on something on the radio.

"Now this is something for all fans of The Fab Four! Beatle John Lennon, together with his new—"

The audio went silent abruptly, leaving Paul in suspense. Mal, who had turned the radio off, was now glancing in Paul's direction, anxiously.

"Why would you do that?!" Paul asked in frustration.

'John Lennon and his new...' his new what? Why wouldn't Mal let him listen? So Paul wasn't being paranoid after all, there must have been something wrong. Of course, everything had been going too great! Paul was a failure and he didn't deserve happiness. The universe was just punishing him for that once again. No... Paul wouldn't let himself go down that path again. He had learned how to fight off those thoughts before and he could do it this time too.

He inhaled deeply, gazing out the window to try and calm down a little. Despite trying hard not to let the pessimistic thoughts get to him, the unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach didn't want to disappear.

"...Mal?" he mumbled. Unfortunately they were already pulling up at the driveway, so Paul didn't earn a response one more time.

"We're here," Mal annouced shortly and turned off the engine, without saying anything more. Paul decided not to drill down into the subject, because apparently it was pointless. He was just about to see John with his own eyes anyway, so if there really was something wrong with him, he would find out on his own. They both got out of the car and headed to the front door.

"Good moring, Mal! And Paul! You look amazing, I'm so happy to see you!" Pattie, who had opened the door for them, gushed. She gave him a loving hug and Paul chuckled, hugging back.

"I'm happy to see you again too, Pattie," Paul responded, a half smile finding its way to his face. Pattie's enthusiasm had always been contagious, so it managed to lift some weight off his shoulders and helped him relax, more or less.

"Everyone is waiting for us in the dinning room, let's go!"

Anxiety battered Paul's body again as they moved torwards there. At first leaving rehab felt magically unrealistic, but now it was starting to feel more and more unrealistic in a scary way. He felt sort of dettached from all the souroundings, like it wasn't truly happening.

He was panicking all over again and he was just about to face his bandmates after 3 months of being away. He was just about to face John! John, who Paul was convinced he could somehow get back together with again... But something was definetely not okay, Paul could feel it in his gut.

He was having trouble breathing and everything around began getting sort of blurry.

"Are you alright?" Pattie's question brought him back to Earth. He realized that he had stopped walking in the middle of the corridor and now her and Mal were observing him with concern.

"Y-yes, sorry. Of course I'm alright," Paul muttered and his face flushed with embarrasment. He acknowledged that he had almost had another anxiety attack. Thankfully he had learned how to control himself more during therapy, so he tried to follow the doctor's instructions. He took a few deep breaths, closed his eyes for a second and tried to relax his muscles. He tried to think positively about the situation and focus on the brightside. He was just about to see his friends after such a long time and it was a good thing. It was a good thing and he wasn't going to let his head ruin it for him.

"Are you sure?" Mal asked, to which Paul reponsed with a quick nod.

Eventually they got to the dinning room, where Ringo and George were chattering together. As soon as they saw Paul, they nearly run to give him a welcoming hug.