Help! | McLennon

A Better Life

"Ringo should be here any minute," George annouced as he came into the living room, carrying a plate of biscuits in one hand and a tea pot in the other. Paul nodded and went back to staring at his reflection at the TV, which was now turned off. The black surface seemed to make his tired face look even more ugly and depressed than it actually was.

His mind was still a bit fuzzy because of the whiskey he had drunk earlier. He started thinking about that and he suddenly remembered that at some point the doctor at rehab had mentioned that his antidepressants don't mix well with alcohol, so he should avoid drinking at all costs. That made him realize that he had forgotten to take his pill the evening before. He used to take them in the morning at first, but it was negatively affecting his energy levels throughout the day, so he had to change the timing to when he was going to bed.

It was all starting to seem quite silly now. Paul had stopped feeling convinced that he deserved to get better the second he saw John together with Yoko. The universe was clearly sending him some kind of a messege. Perhaps being unhappy was just a part of who he was after all.

"Morning, good morning!" Ringo waltzed into the room with a smile on his face. Paul didn't feel like smiling though. He knew that their meeting would be mostly focused on him and his addiction.

"Morning, Ringo!" George welcomed him and returned a genuine smile.

"Hey," Paul murmured and pushed himself up to a more sitting position.

"How are you, Paul?" Ringo asked, plopping himself down on the couch next to the other lads. "You slept okay?"

"I guess, yeah."

George and Ringo exchanged concerned looks, without trying to be discreet about it anymore. Every one in the room was well aware that nothing was okay, not even close to it.

"I'm so sorry for putting you two through this..." Paul spoke quietly, nearly unaudiably. "I feel horrible."

"Ah, come on. Don't worry 'bout that, it's alright!"

"Ringo's right. You have no idea how glad we are that you are here with us, McCartney."

A corner of Paul's mouth tilted up into a gloomy smile. "That's really nice of you to say."

"And we mean it," George assured him. He picked up the plate of biscuits and moved it under Paul's nose, but the lad shook his head. "You haven't eaten breakfast either."

"Am not hungry," Paul promised and let out a sigh. All he was hungry for was the rush of joy only heroin could bring him. Heroin or having John close, but of course he could have neither.

"How are you? How were you feeling before you found out about... you know what," Ringo asked, a slightly disgusted expression creeping onto his face at the thought of John's new relationship.

"I..." Paul hesitated. He could as well be completely honest with his mates, he had nothing to lose. "I was doing great, actually," the lad chuckled.

"That's amazing! Does that mean you're glad you've chosen rehab?"

"To some extent, I guess."

Maybe if he hadn't gone there, John would have never gotten back together with Yoko? Everything kept coming back to his daft problems. If Paul wasn't so weak and pathetic, everyone around him would be much happier...

"Do you often think of using again?" George's question had thrown him off a little, even though he had every right to ask it. Nonetheless, giving an honest answer wasn't easy.

"I do," Paul admitted and let out a resigned laugh. He bit his tongue just in time not to answer that he thinks about it all the time.

"I'm so sorry, it must be exhausting..." Ringo breathed a sigh too, sending his mate a sympathetic smile.

"You know that if you feel like you really are about to fall off the wagon, you need to tell us, right? You gotta tell somebody."

"Yes, I know."

What else could he say? He was feeling like he could break any second and he should keep blaming it on John. Paul had allowed himself to create some fairy tale version of the life he would eventually come back to, completely leaving the bad stuff out. Being realistic is what keeps you from endless disappointment and Paul should had known better.

"Good. We were thinking about bringing the band together again for some jam sessions perhaps. As long as you're fine with that," Ringo said, changing the subject.

"Yeah, I mean... I gotta get used to being here anyway. I missed playing with you a lot."

"We missed it too! You have no idea how messy everything is without you, Paul!" George exclaimed, making Paul laugh slightly. "We're nothing without your bossiness, it turns out."

"I knew you'd appreciate it someday," Paul laughed, letting a smile overtake his face. "You should apologise for getting frustrated with me so very often."

"Just because we need it doesn't mean it ain't annoying!" Ringo pointed out, which was followed by some more laughs.

From that moment of the day things started becoming a little easier. They decided to head to the nearest recording studio on the next day, because Paul felt as though music could help him cope. Despite knowing that John would be there, he still wanted it. Maybe him and John could get past the grudges and become friends again. Paul couldn't decide if he wanted it or not, he didn't know anything at this point. It was trying hard to keep up the more positive mindset.