Help! | McLennon

The Fool On The Hill

"Shit," John groaned, almost inaudibly. He looked down and saw Paul snuggled right up to him, asleep. The corners of his mouth tilted up into a smile and a warm rush went through his veins. That same smile faded away seconds later as he reminded himself that they were still broken up.

The day before Paul agreed to rehab. That was the reason why John had come there in the first place, to convince him, but he couldn't just leave afterwards. Paul was in no state to take care of himself, so John stayed. Besides, he simply couldn't fight off this instinct of his to protect and watch over Paul no matter what. Eventually they had started talking about other things and the time just flew by. He had even gotten Paul to eat, which was another huge success, because it seemed like the lad hadn't had anything in his mouth for days. They had talked and talked until it got dark outside. John couldn't remember how they had ended up falling asleep together, back on the living room couch though.

For a moment there he had almost forgotten all about the sad circumstances. He had been longing for a conection to the other so badly that those few hours they had spent together now brought him enough joy to block out the bad memories again. Now it was all crushing down on him.

A soft snor escaped Paul's slightly parted lips as John lifted him up and carefully moved him off himself. When Paul didn't wake up he shuffled into the kitchen and poured himself half a glass of whiskey. He finished it off in one gulp, then filled the glass again, but this time he made it full.

His heart was pounding, creating a small ache in his chest. He reminded himself that from now on things should only get easier. Paul was going to be okay. For some reason he just couldn't get rid of the feeling that something would go terribly wrong. He was too deeply in his thoughts to notice when Paul had joined him in the room.

"Hey, John." Paul perched on top of the kitchen island, looking down at the other. His sudden presence in the room caused John's stomach to roll, but he gave him a half smile anyway. He made an attempt to hide the fact that he had been drinking by moving slightly to the left, so he would stand in the way of Paul seeing the open bottle. Frankly, he didn't care about what the lad would think of him if he saw. John knew, however, that Paul tended to get upset whenever he had a drink or two and he didn't want to upset him now.

The scene was a bit awkward. It sort of seemed like a morning after two exes hooked up. That was weird because absulutely nothing inappropriate had happened between John and Paul. The cuddling together was completely unintentional. Besides, Paul probably didn't even know that it.

"So um..." Paul cleared his throat, his legs dangling in the air. John would always find the way he sat adorable. He would put both his palms under his thighs, so that he was sitting on them. It made him look like such a girl that it was melting John's heart. "What now?"

"I think we should call Brian and he'll get you signed up, eh?"

"Right," Paul murmured gloomily, his eyes dropping to the ground. Not only was he feeling like utter shit now, both mentally and physically, but he would also have to keep on feeling that way. John was fully aware of that, but he still couldn't think of the right way to comfort him. He ended up saying that he was glad that Paul had chosen to fight for himself. Then he started preparing them breakfast. Scrumbed eggs, because that was something he was good at making. Neither Paul or him were great cooks, so they used to tease eachother about it a lot. It was one of their many little traditions.

"Have you come up with any new songs lately?" John asked, wanting to fill the uncomfortable silence. Being back at their house, but without being able to do all the little, silly things they would usually do hurt. "Paul?"

"Yes, sorry. Could you repeat?" He let out a quiet groan as he slightly shifted in his spot. The withdrawal symptoms were becoming more and more distruptive apparently, so communicating with him started getting harder.