Help! | McLennon

To Hell With the Past

John looked around and noticed that him, George and Ringo were the only ones in the lobby. The lads were asleep, just like John had been earlier. The lights were out and it was dark outside, therefore the only reason why he could see anything was the moonlight. The moon seemed to be glowing more than it usually would and he pondered over it for a while.

The fact that they were allowed to sleep on the couch there without any supervision was odd. John wasn't complaing though, it allowed him to be closer to Paul. He would give any money in the world to be able to hug and kiss him. Because that wasn't possible, he decided to try to sleep some more and make the time go faster.

Later he started hearing strange noises. His mind was already fogged with sleepiness, so it made him think nothing of it. Suddenly he felt someone's touch on his shoulder. He jumped a little, but without allowing his eyelids to flutter open yet. The next nudge was joined by a whisper.

"Johnny, wake up."

This time his eyes opened with the speed of light and his gaze shot up to see where the voice had come from.

"Fucking hell, what are you doing here?!" John whisper-yelled as he saw Paul in front him. He eyed him with sheer fear and realized that the lad wasn't connected to any medical devices. "Did you take your IVs out?! Paul, that's dangerous!"

"I'm sorry... I just needed to see you, John." He sat down slowly and breathed a weak sigh. His breathing also seemed shaky and very brief.

"No, no... I got to go find a doctor..." John rubbed his eyes, in order to fully wake up. Seeing Paul felt like a cold shower in the morning, but in a bad way. It only shocked him nearly to death, but didn't manage to make him feel more down to earth. If anything, he felt more unreal than normally.

He rose from the couch and was about to dash down the corridors. It was the reasonable thing to do. All of the sudden though, he felt Paul grabbing his hand. His grip was suprisingly tight for a person who had just woken up from a temporary coma caused by a heart attack.

"Macca..."

"Go with me to my room first, okay?" he asked and his sad puppy look took over his face. Even though the light was so weak that John could barely see his expression, it was enough to convince him.

"Sure, okay."

They didn't stop holding hands until Paul lied down back in his bed. John stood there, awkwardly, while the other stared at him with a sad expession on his face.

"Listen—"

"Can I go—"

They both cut off at the same time, realizing that the other had spoken up too. Their gazes met and a chill went down John's spine. Everything seemed too unreal, it shouldn't be happening.

"Let me get that doctor, yeah?" he asked and Paul nodded wordlessly. "Don't move, I'll get you help."

His eyes sweeped over the clock and he saw that it was 3:57. As a result of that, there was only one nurse left at the hospital and finding the room where she was in wasn't an easy task. However, John's veins were pumping with adrenaline because he knew that the longer Paul was unconnected from all the medical devices, the more danger he was in. When she learned about what had happened, she rushed to Paul's room. While setting everything up again she gave him a lecture on how he risked his life with doing what he had. John stood in the back and watched the scene.

"Stay here with him and make sure he doesn't do anything like that again," she requested and John murmured a silent 'yeah'. Once she left, he kneeled beside Paul's bed and stroked his fluffy hair.

"I'm not with Yoko anymore. We'll never have to see her again," John assured as he felt the need to clear that up. He didn't want Paul calling him a cheater again. When he heard the news, Paul's cheeks pulled into a small smile.

"Such a shame, she was a delight..." he joked and John huffed a laugh, shaking his head.

"I know that saying it won't make this better, but I'm so sorry. I am so sorry for never being there for you. I'm such an idiot, Paulie..."

Paul slid his fingers between the other's and clutched his palm gently. He replied, "It does make this better. I know that you're sorry and I forgive you. Being angry's pointless, I think we've both learned that by now, yeah?"

"Yeah, but..." John used his second hand to bring their hands closer to his lips and placed a delicate kiss on the back of Paul's palm. Even the smallest gesture of showing affecting to him would make John's stomach flutter. Paul seemed touched by it too.

"But what?"

"I just know that if I were in your place, I would hate me for everything I've done. I would be so angry, despite knowing it's pointless. It's unfair, because you aren't! I would be so angry, I'm sorry... I know I would be angry!"

"I know you would, that's who you are. Don't ever apologize for who you are, Johnny." Paul sent him a reassuring smile, but tears were already filling John's eyes. "Do you still love me?"

John cried bitter tears and squeezed his hand tighter. "Yes, Paul. Of course I do, I love you! I'm so sorry for ever saying I don't, I was such a bloody idiot..."

"The hell with the past, ain't that right?" Paul repeated John's words and pushed himself up.

"Hey, be careful!" John said, but Paul only rolled his eyes at him. "You almost died... I can't believe this. You had a heart attack, you know? They had to CPR you."

"They did?" he asked and his expression saddened. "John, I think... I think that I really wanted to die. I'm sorry, that's so selfish..."

"Are you joking? You're sick Macca, this ain't your fault..." John crowled into the bed and lied down by his side. Paul sighed and backed up to the pillows again. "I've put you through hell, I know that I have."

"I could've been stronger, you know?"

"No, you couldn't," John stated, bluntly. Paul turned his head to him and tears brimmed in his eyes. "For real now, to hell with the past. Screw drugs, screw manipulative bitches and screw fighting."

"You'll never to drugs again too, right John?" Paul asked, still not back to his more confident attitude.

"Hell no! I haven't in a while anyway, just so you know. I'm fine, you don't have to worry 'bout that."

"I was so worried..."

"I'm so fucking sorry..."

Their eyes met again and Paul slowly moved in the other's direction. Eventually he got close enough for John to feel his warm breath on his face. His loving stare was so piercing that it made tears collect in John's eyes once more. Then he felt Paul's lips pressing onto his for a slow, affectionate kiss so he closed his eyes and enjoyed the sweet, unspoiled moment.

He knew that things wouldn't just suddenly take a turn for the better, it would take work. But John finally was ready to work on himself. He realized that Paul had nearly died because of his strong love for him more than once already and if something didn't change, it could as well happen again and again. John could feel it more than ever that Paul wasn't just a part of his life, Paul was his life. He had to protect his life from falling apart ever again.

A/N: Wow, this book is slowly coming to an end. But don't worry, it shall not get boring :) I want to let you all know that I appreciate your votes and comments so much, you have no idea! Thank you, Loves.