Liar

Chapter 39

Touching his shoulder tenderly, I had so many questions. There was so much I didn't understand, that didn't click in my head no matter how I pieced it together. " Keith..."

" I know you have so many things to ask. But right now, I can't answer your questions."

I pressed my lips together  and a almost sickly feeling built up in the pit of my stomach" Really?"

" Baby..." He turned and we shared this gaze for a moment before he even said anything " There's so much I've never shared because I thought I'd never have to. I never saw us getting any closer than before, when you first moved in." There was a slight shakiness in his voice " But now you know pieces of me that I'm not sure I'm proud of." I could tell that even him talking to me like this was him doing something different entirely. He was just slowly and tenderly unwrapping his heart and he was scared, walking on eggshells every time I found more and more out about him. Breaking contact with me and hardly opening up, he took in another shaky breath. " And I don't know what to do... not in the slightest right now."

I moved in closer to him, dragging my pillow with me. Intertwining our fingers and kissing each of his knuckles one by one, I let out a deep sigh. " After a few minutes of questions, It's almost like without fail, I hit a stone cold wall. Or I'm met with an endless black void... And I think it's about time you take your own advice."

He heard my words but I could tell there was a disconnect. He was still stuck at the stage where you compare what someone actually said to what you thought they meant. His eyes widened and his lips parted, confused. " What do you mean?"

" You know...you'd be even more beautiful embracing yourself than just hiding from me what you don't like about yourself. You have all of my baggage and all of my pain, so just lay it on me."

His arms grabbed me and pulled me to his chest. " Thank you, Zoe."

" My question was if you ever dated my cousin or something. " I could see on the inside that he was crestfallen. He never wanted that to be open between us. On the outside, he simply nodded. " Yeah, I dated him before I dated you. I didn't know that he was your cousin."

Some parts of me knew that anything was possible, and even if I didn't feel okay with it, he couldn't know that." That's okay! Well that explains a lot!" I chuckled. " Keith are you okay?"

" No. I feel conflicted. And... I know which answer is the right one, it's just that the right answer is different from the one I want. " Well we better get up, It's early morning and I wanted to go out to breakfast with you."

" I mean... okay!" He laughed." But first... it's a little cold and I want to feel a little more of your warmth before we get up and start the day." he held me and I gently rolled over on top of his body. His hand grabbed my ass while the other held my body to his." Of course." he chuckled, kissing my head. " You can feel my warmth for as long as you'd like, babe."

I lifted my upper body and cocked my head to the side, confusedly, smiling awkwardly. " Something about that didn't sound right." I joked, knowing well what he meant by his words.

Now he was confused. " Wait, so we aren't having morning sex?"

I blushed for a moment and just laughed " Of course we are! I was joking!"

" Whatever it was, it was a very confusing joke. " he chuckled, pushing my hair back again.

" Keith... can you crack the windows?" He was confused as to why I asked but then he understood for a flicker of a second. We sat up and we both leaned against the headboard, closer than ever. The freezing morning air that just gently seeped in only because the windows were cracked was intentional.

" Hey..." I whispered. Something was off. I was feeling drowsy despite the freezing cold air.

He pressed his lips to my forehead, leaving gentle kisses all over " Yeah?

I slipped my right hand through his and smiled feeling him so close. " You know we can get even closer if you'd just accept this."

" If I accept this, I can't be certain that you'll still-" he groaned, irritated that I bit his nipple while we were having a serious talk. " Shut up. You know how I feel about you, and I was serious when I put on this ring. " gripping our right hands together, I sighed. " I don't care what you think I won't like. Did it ever cross your mind that I don't like not knowing more about you? That I don't like being shut out and kept in the dark about how you really feel?" I begged him to meet my eyes but he wouldn't. " Just drop it for now." He murmured quietly.

I continued to hold his hand closely. But I kept seeing images in my head of my body going limp in his arms " Everything is gray." I whispered. I felt my head get light. For a moment, I closed my eyes and felt weightless. All I could hear was my heartbeat in my ears and my rattly breaths. It was almost like foam was pressed over my ears, so I could hear muffled words. I opened my eyes and I could feel again. My eyes soaked in the colors and decor, I took in a sharp chilly breath and looked up. I tried to say something, anything to let Keith know I was okay. I tapped into the bracelet and shocked him, just a little. He looked down into my eyes from where he held me. He was cradling me, fully uncovered and the farthest window from us wide open. The air was so cold. I sat up and focused on breathing. " Zoe?" I nodded. All I could see was worry and pure fear.  " You aren't well. Your fainting spells-"

I was covered in goose bumps, but I was in his arms... I felt safe and even though it was cold, his warmth was here all the same. Looking into his eyes, I sighed " It's okay. Just... let me lie down for a bit."