Sunghoon, the Alpha who lost his fated mate 4 years ago had gone trough several pains that caused today's character and mood. Not only the pain hurted him and made his desperately, the sudden death of the Omega-Alpha caused to turn his life and the...
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It's been a month after we meet the other pack.Of course we meet other people too and once in a while, Jungwon went out without permission and secretly meet Yeosang outside. When Heeseung got to know it, he simply stated :" My Beta doesn't needs my permission to meet up with anyone as long as the person doesn't hurts him. I trust him fully so don't tell him I know about it, he's a free Beta and my mated mate anyways." but this whole thing wasn't the actual problem.
The colder it got, the more sensitive the Betas and Omega were. At first we could handle them but after Taki's heat, he was so moody and we couldn't send him on patrol outside... Jungwon and Niki got more often sick, we could send no one besides Heeseung, Jay or me but...
Heeseung took care of Jungwon way too often so he was out of todays patrol, it was now Jay's and my job to take care of the others and we didn't complained at all, they helped me and Jay get out of our most depressing phases.. this is just a small thing we can give as a return for their loyalness.
„Hey we could get a place in town don't you think?"Jay asked me when he snuggled more into his jacket. With shacky hands I held a few bags with snacks and water since we needed to stay outside to clear 1 part of the last remaining 3 parts of the wood's. Once we are done with all 3 parts, we head to Gwangju or Busan.
I shook my head."Jay we a-aren't done here. We need to lock closer."I reminded him but he just kept silent afterwards.„Jay I know, how about you guy's move into the city till winter ends. We only have about two winter months left till it gets better."
„Sunghoon I won't leave you here alone."
„You don't leave me here, you can come in the morning and help me search.Winter isn't affecting me as much as you, Heeseung and the others. Me and ice are almost soulmates, I will stay and look out for the house. We will use it for quite a long time anyways and I can make fire whenever it gets too cold. You know that Taki can't stand the smell of fire."
Jay wasn't happy about my offer, I could see it in his eyes but we both knew... it's better if I stay here. I am doing better on my own.
Of course..alot of things happened the past month.My..my instincts got better but my wolf,my inner wolf is so much more agressive even without being in rute..I-i..
„I need to stay..I-i was about to hurt Niki. This can't happen again.I need time for myself,I'm sure it's better like that." I recalled my memories. It wasn't a long time after this incident actually happened.
Jay stood still and growled loudly. "Shut up!You couldn't control yourself. This incident didn't meant you are dangerous for us. It was just something you couldn't control and none of us blame you at all. We all had problems with our emotions and.. I think we all know what caused it."
I mean I didn't hurt anyone too badly and I didn't remembered everything but what I remembered, it was horrible...I attacked my own brother and made him..bleed.
„Sunghoon." he growled as he panicked. "The day, what day is today?" Shit... why now? Can we please forget it just once? Forget the pain that caused that day?
He gulped out loud and I nodded."I know Jay,I know it's soon the day."I muttered out thinking once again how cold it is today. Gladly it wasn't snowing like yesterday. We couldn't even see our own hands, so gloomy was it yesterday.
Yea, soon it's the day of the accident. I counted..every day..I hoped the ‚pack' will forget it, forget the pain from soon 5 years ago but obviously I wasn't the only one who counted day and night.
„You weren't by his grave for years right?"
I nodded .Dongpyo said, it will throw me back going to his grave and he was right. It would have made me depressed again.
Flashback
Dongpyo hugged my waist and started guarding me back to the car. We started going out with each other a few months before this day, it was quite nice but I couldnt stop bringing myself to forget my old mate.
Believe me, I wanted to see his grave. To put the most beautiful flowers on it and cry my heart out, hoping he smiles at me right now but I couldn't. I was too much of a coward, no I didn't dared to sit infront of him after I let him down. I let him die and I am indirectly his murderer. If I just told him sooner we are fated mates, maybe he would have told me that he meets his parents... maybe..
Dongpyo was kneeling infront of me. "You don't need to see him just today, it will hurt you more won't it? We are happy and after so many months we finally can sleep well, we can breath normally and eat without overthinking. Take space from him Hoonie. You said you only see his white eyes whenever you see a picture of him so lets stop seeing him. White means death most of.. the time and it makes you dead inside too.."
Flashback end
„I won't go. I mean, not now and..not anytime soon."I said with pain in my heart.I'm not ready to face his grave.I don't know if I would do..do something bad to myself. I want to be near him, to hear him and to smell him one last time. I would want to die if I could only get the chance to look into these wonderful star-eyes again.
„Sunghoon don't worry."
I let out pheromones.Depressed pheromones and it definitely didn't went unnoticed by our other members since Niki contacted me trough our brothers bond.
„It's okay I just thought about something."I answered bluntly.
Jay held my hand in his pockets not wanting to let go.
From sadness to anger real fast. My Alpha is very emotional indeed...Ah shit you dumbass, you should have just stayed home.Stupid moron Omega-Alpha, why just why!
I was angry at him, I was so angry at him for not calling me first.I knew about his childhood, he told me everything ,we could talk about anything b-but...
„He left us,I should have been quicker. I should have saved him."I laughed with tears as I speed walked now."I wasn't even good enough to help Jake, was I?I can't even find him and I should call Su-... my fated mate?Fuck no,he deserves a better fated mate.Maybe if I didn't approached him back then,maybe he would be al-"
I sniffed around.Cinamon scent... Cinnamon scent?CINAMON SCENT!
I was so close of letting Jay go. I smelled Sunoo's scent.His scent, It really was his scent. I couldn't express the happiness Ive felt once it hit my nose. I was ready to jump up and down, I was thinking what I would say to him, how I would kiss him, hug him till he begs me to stop.. but..
„You smell him again?"Jay asked slowly holding me tighter.I ignored his question and started walking to the waterfall again.I'm going crazy,I see him,I smell him but I never,never find him...I never find my Baby.
