Need You (ShinDeku)

Ch. 47 - Mask

A/N: Shinso needs some cheering up while they wait to hear back from the search team.
Have fun reading!

Shinso POV

I cry myself to sleep that night. It's the first time I've done that in months. It felt worse than I remembered. I slept in the futon that Midoriya had let me borrow because it didn't feel right sleeping in my bed when he wasn't here. It would feel like I was moving on and replacing him. I shouldn't even be talking like this, he's not dead. He can't be.

When my alarm woke me from my two hours of restless sleep I did my usual morning routine, though I found myself staring into the mirror when I finished brushing my teeth. My eyes were red and my eyelids were puffy, which only made my eye bags look worse. It was obvious I had been crying. I couldn't bring myself to care though.

Everyone ignored me when I left the dorms anyways, and I got to class early like I usually did with Midoriya. I sat at our desk and rested my head in my arms.

It wasn't until a few minutes later that someone entered the classroom. They closed the door quietly behind them and walked in my direction, but stopped when they were still a few desks away.

"Uhm, hey." The voice belonged to Todoroki, and considering we were the only two in the room, I lifted my head up in response. "I'm sorry I didn't do anything. I could have frozen them both before she even moved her knife but I was sorta stunned. It's different when it's your own life on the line but when it's someone else that reflex doesn't always work the same..." he seemed unsure of his own words as he lifted up a hand to rub the back of his neck. "What I mean to say is that I should have done something but I didn't and I'm sorry."

I nod in response, not knowing what to say. Some of the tension seems to leave his shoulders and it almost looks like some sort of relief, but he also still looks guilty as he continued to his seat in the back.

I think he knows that I don't blame him, but he still blames himself, like me. I guess it wasn't only my fault. Still, knowing that I wasn't the only one who did nothing doesn't make me feel any better about it. That never should have happened, and Aizawa-sensei trusted me, but I blew it.

I wonder if they'll make me go back to the General education course after this. I probably deserve that.

     All of Midoriya's friends were so nice to me, but if I get moved back they probably won't want to talk to me again. It was so nice being a part of a group of friends. They all make an effort to talk to or reassure me while we wait for class to start today, and every time it hurts knowing that this might be the last time they talk to me, if I get kicked today.

I didn't really pay attention once class started, but at the end of first period Aizawa asked me to go to the teachers lounge during lunch. He said that he would have food there and to not worry about getting anything from Lunch Rush. I wondered vaguely how he knew that I hadn't packed my own lunch this morning, and gave him a nod before resting my head on my arms and closing my eyes again.

None of the other teachers bothered me, and Present Mic gave us independent work which he never does. Silence isn't really his thing, but today he just sat at his desk checking his phone every few minutes. He didn't say anything when I didn't turn in any work at the end of the period. We were all putting our papers and pencils into our bags as we packed to go to lunch when he spoke.

"I'm supposed to let you guys know that the cafeteria is closed today due to yesterday's events, but don't worry, Lunch Rush is set up in one of the buildings near the entrance of fake city B, and there will be tables set up both inside and outside around the building so you can eat your lunches there. The cafe will be open again tomorrow." He let us all know before dismissing us to lunch, and the two of us ended up walking together to the teachers lounge.