Loving You was Inevitable-COMPLETE

Abandonment

After he had kissed me, I staggered back to the couch where Max was lying. I plopped down and looked at him. It sounds weird, but it seemed like he was giving me a human look of disapproval, "What?" I spoke to him, "He kissed me, I didn't kiss him" I defensively argued.

I leaned over and hugged him. He wagged his tale and put his head onto my shoulder. This is why I love dogs so much; they are so forgiving and loving.

As I sat there, I thought of what had just occurred. I kissed another man. Even though he kissed me, and I had no idea it was about to happen, it was still wrong. I layed back onto the couch and closed my eyes while I thought of what I should do.

I considered telling Aiden. He would most likely freak out and who knows what he would do to Brian. Maybe I should just hold back for a while. Maybe I should distance myself from Brian for a while. Should I tell Brian that I don't like him that way? But why did I feel that way when he kissed me? Maybe I do have some feelings for him.

I refused to except that last theory though. Aiden popped into my mind and I wondered where he was right now. Even though I had so many emotions flowing throughout my body, anger, anxiety, and confusion, I was also feeling an overwhelming amount of worry for Aiden. The way he acted earlier, that was not normal, especially for Aiden. I picked my phone up and called Aiden. No answer.

After a few minutes, I called again. Once more, no answer.

Giving up, I tossed my phone on the couch and picked the TV remote up. Even though Brian had given me a gift, I had completely lost my Christmas spirit. Trying to distract myself and enjoy this Christmas a little, I turned the television. A Christmas story was playing so I sat with Max as I watched it. It had always been one of my favorite movies in general, and by far my favorite Christmas movie. While watching the movie, I happened to look out the window to see snow lightly falling from the gray clouds above. Hopelessly wishing Aiden were here, I picked up the phone again and called. While the phone was ringing, I was becoming more and more worried about him. In mid ring, the call stopped. He must have dismissed the call. Hmmm, I guess he had seen that I was calling him....Dick

After that, I decided not to call him again. I figured that if he wanted to talk to me, he would call me back. I tried shaking the pain off but it was harder than I thought. I guess I felt all alone and insecure because of my dad and mom not being here, especially since this is the first Christmas without them.

I continued watching the movie until it was over before going out in the snow to get some pieces of wood for the fire that had died about an hour ago.Cleaning off the snow that accumulated on the porch, I couldn't help looking out the driveway to see if Aiden's truck was making it's way in. But each time, I was disappointed because there was no sign of him. I held back the tears, but it was starting to get to me. Maybe I shouldn't have told Marie that we would take the baby. Half of me was arguing thatm I shouldn't have insisted, while the other side of me stood firm that what I need was the right thing.

...

The illuminated snow covered fields started to become dim as the night sky began to roll in. He had been gone now for at least five hours, and I had an overwhelming feeling of nausea caused by the anxiety pumping through my veins. I had called Marie, she hadn't seen him. If it weren't for my car literally being like 3 inches off the ground and the snow being around 8 inches high, I would have gone out searching for him. My mind pictured him in a ditch and a limp body slumped over the steering wheel. Or him unconscious in an empty, cold hospital room.

After an hour or so, while I sat on the couch, nervously rubbing the unraveling sleeve of my ratty old sweatshirt between my thumb and index finger, I heard the door quietly open and turned to see Aiden. His face was painted with sorrow, and I stood up.

"Sorry," he halfheartedly offered while nervously walking over to me.

"Did you get any of my calls?"

He bit the inside of his cheek before replying. "Yeah, I just ignored them. I lost track of time."

"Lost track of time?" I pressed and could feel my throat swell. "I was worried that you were in the hospital because of an accident, or even worse, that you were dead in some ditch! I worry about you every single day when you're away. Every day I worry about getting a call, or someone showing up on our doorstep to tell me that you're dead. That literally the last real family member I have is dead too. And then you come home, and it was the happiest I have felt for a VERY long time and you go and do this? This isn't you.

He stood there silently, watching tears stream down my face like a flood, but did nothing to stop them. His eyes showed deep anguish, yet he said nothing.

It seemed that any emotion he may of had he pushed away and turned stone cold. "Well, you won't have to worry about me. I have to leave tonight, I came back to get my things."

"Wh-," I stumbled my words as I followed him up the steps. "Don't do this."

"Do what?" He questioned while packing a few things that I had washed earlier.

"Leave."

He turned his back, not responding. Tears started to flow out of my eyes as I watched him pack.

"Why are you doing this!" I sobbed hysterically while trying to pull him away from his bag. When I placed my hand on his shoulder, he jumped, turning around with fury as well as a look in his eyes that I never seen before. His pupils were dilated so much that they diminished the light hazel that usually took place there. Madness was swelling in them, and at that moment, my Aiden was nowhere in sight.

He took a step back and looked lost and scared. At that moment I knew what was going on. His eyes started to water and he looked so sorrowful that it started chipping away at my heart. I grabbed my hands and tried to pull him into a hug but he refused.

"I'm sorry." was all he could say before picking his bag up before walking down the steps.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I yelled, running after him.

He turned and showed me blood shot eyes and sniffed a little before replying "Earlier, when I was gone, I was at the cemetery."

Immediately, I knew why he had stayed so long.

"I was sitting at my dad's grave and thinking of all of the stuff that he left behind. The people he left. Of course it was for a good cause, an honorable one too, but a sacrifice. I made a promise to him. That I would continue the life he lived. But what I never realised was how horrible it was for my mom, as well as me, Marie, and Claudia. And what pains me the most, is that I know that you'll have to go through the same thing. Maybe you'll have it even worse. I don't want you to live that way. I've changed and I know that I'll never go back to normal. I made a promise to him."

"But you made a promise to me, too! You promised to stay beside me no matter what, and I said the same to you. Having a rough life with you is better than an easy life without you. I want to have stand by you and be here for you. You've changed but I know you're still in there somewhere. You don't get to make this choice for me. I do. I do. "

" I can't live knowing that I Will never be able to make you happy because I'm too much of a burden. You deserve someone better. Someone who can be here for you. Choose someone like that."

"I already chose someone like that and he's standing right in front of me. No one could ever make me as happy as you do," I finished saying as the tears rolled down my face.

He stopped before replying. Tears were forming in his eyes and you could tell that he was torn. He leaned down and gently kissed my forehead, "I will never stop loving you."

Those were the last words he spoke to me before walking out of the house. I tried running after his truck but between me sobbing and the snow being so deep, I didn't have a chance.

I was stuck in a snow drift as I watched Aiden's truck continue down the drive.

The words he had said haunted me the rest of the night once I got back inside. He was gone for good this time.