an encounter | matty healy

// three //

"god, lennon, you really are way in over your pretty little head." said collin, a sympathetic look on his face. i rolled my eyes and blew strands of long, brunette hair away from my face, "you don't understand it entirely." collin had a puzzled look on his face, "it's a fucking party! there's drinks, there's drugs, there's music, and there's dancing. look, soon enough in that party you'll find a guy for yourself since it's about time you start dating again... don't go for guys who think rugby isn't efficient. "

collin and i became friends when i first came to this college, we've always had a strong bond even if we're drifting. he kept persuading me to stop sulking around and head to the party just to have fun.

"will you come with me to the party?"
"me? oh god no."
"why not?"
"because i've got work to do and you don't"
"that doesn't mean that you can't do it the next day."
"lennon, i am not going to the party with you"

i sighed deeply, realizing that it's no use in trying to persuade him to come along. collin nudged my shoulder as a sign that it'll be alright. "if you want someone to accompany you so badly, i suggest you ring one of your exes." he laughed, "preferably that junkie wannabe with the long curls."

i had a strong urge to literally punch collin in the face. i haven't dated much in my life, only narrowed it down to 3 people:

one of them cheated.
one of them wasn't committed to it.
one of them has a crippling drug addiction.

the more i thought about what collin said, the more i realized that i don't feel like entering some sort of a complicated relationship for that matter. "i suggest you ring one of your exes" kept lingering around my head as i said goodbye and walked away. if margo leaves me alone at the party and sides off with a guy, i need someone by me, someone who understands me, and i'm not sure who that someone is.

—

just two hours before we're off soon, margo seems ecstatic. i hesitated telling sade if she was willing to come along, yet she piled on dresses on the bedroom floor.

"lennon should wear this black dress!"
"or this navy dress..."
"god, she'll look great in anything."

i heard margo quietly murmur those thoughts to herself as i applied some makeup on. it was typical of her to dig her head through the wardrobe in hopes of finding the right dress. i had a huge smile on my face for no reason in particular. time slowly passed in pure excitement, fear, and reassurance. sade proceeded to watch me fidget around my thumbs in deep anxiety. "do you want to talk about it?" she asked, eyeing me sternly. "i'm just not ready to go to a huge party, never liked it anyways. what if I'm left alone there in a crowd filled with drunk people and... you know what, it's nothing really." i replied nervously.

"then i'm coming with you."

my eyes slowly lit up when she said that sentence. sade got up from the edge of the bed and quickly pulled out a random light blouse from the pile. i'm glad she'll come with, i'm really glad. we all got dressed and headed out to the party. i hope it goes well.

—

it's been more than an hour in order to arrive and my heartbeat started rising out of pure panic. it is loud. it is packed. it is fun?

at least i hope it's fun.

i quickly lost sight of margo in a crowd before she brought us a couple drinks. sade stood by, eagerly watching how many people end up vomiting somewhere. she still walked close to me while chatting with an older guy named kurt, he seemed nice. the music became loud and i could barely hear myself think.

i guess that's how parties work.

i spotted a huge group of drunk girls with glasses in their hands, surrounding a figure. i couldn't recognize who it was at first. i slowly walked closer to the girls, left sade behind, and saw him.
of course. matthew healy once again. i saw his long curls drape over his face and a cigarette in his mouth. clearly nothing's changed since the last time we've seen each other. his eyes lit up when he noticed me, he got up and quickly ran after me as i walked away.

"lennon! lennon! god i can't believe that it's actually you!" he said, "what a surprise that i'd see you at a party like this. anyways how've you been? how's your days?" i felt a bit furious seeing him here but i held it back. "i'm just doing the same, nothing new, still alright." i said dryly. he pulled me aside to a quieter hall by the restrooms. matthew looked at me with his dark eyes that showed he still cared.

"i'm sorry about... you know... breaking up with you over a call three years ago. i promise you that i've changed and i'm not that dickhead that you dated before." i couldn't tell if he was being serious or not, i don't need that at all. "i know you still hate me for that and i honestly don't blame you..." his voice slowly started to fade away as i drifted into my thoughts, completely drowning out the sound of everything, including my own pounding heartbeat. i can tell that he's drunk because his eyes keep shifting left and right, unable to keep eye contact. i was quickly pulled into reality by what he had just said.

"i still love you... don't you mind ?"