an encounter | matty healy

// 11 //

"can you just please hear me out, len?" sade spoke as soon as she saw me enter and make a beeline towards my bedroom.

after locking my door, i sat on the edge of my bed with my face in my hands. this whole situation has been stressing me out for a long while, especially with everybody jumping on me.

her soft knocks led me to release a frustrated sigh.

"len? please just let me talk to you."

i kept silent, trying to take the time to steady my breathing and get rid of the massive lump wedged inside my throat.

"i won't barge in, and i won't yell. i just wanna talk to you about it." i could hear her ruffling and shuffling as she slid down the door to sit on the floor. "please... i'm sorry— you were right. you were right about me." i let my hands disappear from my face and rolled my eyes. i simply wasn't convinced.

"len. please, len." she pleaded.

her body blocked half of the light entering from the threshold. i looked at it, debating whether or not i should open it and hear her talk audibly.

"the gig's tonight, len. it's tonight. just don't go to it— you should've never agreed to go to it. if you want, just give me the ticket please and i'll give him a piece of your mind— if you want me to pass on a message. i can tell him you don't feel the same way, or that you hate him and never wanna fucking see his face again." she sighed, "i'll be there instead of you. i just want what's best for you, and i'm pretty sure that you know—"

"i destroyed the goddamn ticket, sade." i swung the door open, causing her to fall back. "you only want the ticket so you could go see your boyfriend and fuck him after." i set her straight, "you don't wanna do this because you love me, you wanna do this because you wanna keep acting selfish and act like you actually care."

"i do actually care about—"

"no. sade, you don't care about me at all. you keep bringing up my ex without warning in almost every single conversation we have." my voice remained low, i didn't have the energy or capacity to yell at her.

"you are supposed to be my friend, not somebody who forces me to relive the worst moment i've ever had in my life." i spoke as an attempt to get my very clear point across. "i'm capable of making my own decisions. if you don't remember what that means, then it means i don't need you to tell me what i should or shouldn't do even if its rash or stupid. it's my ex i'm dealing with, for fuck's sake."

she sat back up, her palms facing downwards on the wooden floor to solidify and steady her ground. "you make stupid decisions no matter what." she broke the short-lived silence.

"why do you hate me so much, sade? is it because i fucked a guy in a band? is that why you constantly have it out for me, because you've always wanted to fuck a guy in a band and i did it first?" i spewed these questions, not realising that it was a word/thought-vomit. my eyes shut in immediate regret.

"is that how you see me? always jealous... always mad... always..." she stood up and wiped her palms on her pinstriped trousers, "i'm not even gonna continue. you already know what i'm gonna say, so why bother staying."

i watched her walk out the door, and surprisingly, she did not slam the door shut this time.

i didn't chase after her, not because i had anything else to say, but because it was no use in trying to reconcile with her. instead, i walked carefully to my window. sade disappeared out of my peripheral sight and matty appeared.

he was now leaning against the side of his car, smoking a cigarette as well as staring at his worn-out shoes. his brown curls tickling his pale temples were brushed away slightly by his free hand. i could tell his eyes squinted a bit because of the blinding sunlight.

carefully dreading what i planned to do during the past few seconds, i turned away to walk towards the front door, making my way downstairs and into the street.

i paced towards the figure billowed around with smoke and stopped in front of him. his gaze shifted from the ground to mine, a confused expression hiding behind his brown orbs.

not really being an expert at expressing myself with words finally caught up to me, i'm now standing in front of a guy i managed to subconsciously regret ever spending time with. i closed the gap between his dry mouth and mine. his free hand grazed my cheek as an attempt to hold it, to hold me even closer. never in my life would i think i'd be kissing matty healy again after a few unpleasant years.

i broke it off after feeling his reptile-like tongue attempt to slide into my mouth. "i'm not going to your gig, matty. i never wanted to." i spoke while trying to steady my rapid breathing from either the sheer panic i was facing, or because of what i had just done. "after your gig tonight, i don't ever wanna see you or hear from you again. don't bother getting one of your friends to try and see me."

his brows furrowed and he let out a confused scoff, "i don't get you, len."

"we should not see each other out anywhere anymore. i don't wanna see you." i couldn't tell if he was messing with me, but i had a sense that he felt the same way too.

"okay, so, you kiss me and you tell me you don't wanna fucking see my face again? you are odd."

"and you're an arsehole." i spat, turning away from him and into the abyss which is known as the dorm building.