an encounter | matty healy

// ten //

i heard the front door open and shut.

"len, are you there?" i heard sade's muffled voice call out. i was still in my room, sat on the edge of my bed facing the door with my legs crossed. her footsteps approached my door and she softly knocked, "hello? are you in here? i really need to talk to you." she pleaded. i stayed silent, not willing to open the door and listen to whatever she has to stay. picking the skin around my index finger, sade opened my door, which startled me enough to rip the skin. "what the fuck!" i spoke. "len, shut up. i need to talk to you about something." her tone was harsh, harsher than usual. sade sat next to me on my bed with her eyebrows furrowed.

"i just met your ex downstairs. why was he here?" she asked. of course, she'd be talking about the arsehole. "i didn't know he was here." i acted oblivious, hoping she would shut up and leave me alone. "bullshit! he was in here, len, i can smell his godawful cologne." her eyes widened with anger. "why do care so much about him anyway? why do you keep talking about him when you talk to me? is there anything you have to say to me without bringing him up?" i snapped at her. i've been wanting to do that ever since she kept bugging me about the gig. this time, she was the silent one.

"sade, you've been getting on my fucking nerves from the start. you never shut up about him, you never fucking do!" i stood up, leaving her still sitting on my bed. "if you can't stop talking about him, why don't you go and suck his dick? its not like i care anyway." i walked out of my room, slipped on my boots, put on my coat, and slammed the front door. i was halfway far away from the building when i heard a loud voice call out to me. sade was out my window, frantically waving her arms to get my attention, "len, he told me he's still in love with you!" i scoffed, rolled my eyes, and kept walking away from her.

i felt so sick of her in that moment— i still feel sick. it wasn't because of sade barging in and dropping an atom bomb on my lap, but because i couldn't stomach the idea of matty still being in love with me.

he can't still be in love with me.

he can't.

i noticed a figure sitting inside of a beat-up, rundown saloon car, but it wasn't just any figure.

it was him.

something magnetic drew me closer to it— to him. i took long and quick strides towards the passenger side of the car. my clammy hands struggled to open the passenger door until i heard it unlock, then i got in and slammed it shut.

he had the radio on with it set to low volume, but it was still loud enough to hear the songs play and make out the words. matty was sitting with his elbow propped up onto the car door and his fingers rubbing his eyes. despite the massive attack song playing loudly in such a small confined space, it was dead quiet. my breath hitched when i opened my mouth to speak, which caused his fingers to stop moving over his eyelashes.

"matty..?"

he sighed deeply.

"why are you still in love with me?" i asked, completely afraid of what he might say. his pale lips parted slowly, eyes still closed, elbow still propped.

"will you please talk to me, matty?" after what went on this morning, i felt my vision getting blurry and my breath come to a halt. i never thought i'd spend my day like this. i never thought i'd be crying again in front of matthew healy.

"i never stopped loving you, len. i never did— i had to break it off, but that didn't mean i stopped being in love with you. things got worse way too quick... and just seeing you at that fucking party made me realise... i still fucking love you. forget what i've told you over the phone, forget whatever you've seen me do with gemma, and forget all the lies i've told you as well." he spoke.

"that doesn't change the fact that you left me-"

"i had no choice, no fucking choice!" his words cut me off, "yes, i'm still in love with you. yes, i broke up with you. yes, i ignored you. But, do you really wanna know why i'm still in love with you if you haven't gotten the message from what i've said before you spoke? you have been running in little circles around my head like a hamster on a wheel. you're just hard to forget, and you're always lingering around me in some way." his eyes were no longer shut and he stared into oblivion, licking his dry lips while running his fingers through his hair.

"i look at gemma, i see you." he set his hand down onto his thigh, "i kiss her lips, i feel you. i hear her voice, i hear you." i moved my gaze towards the gearstick, letting a rebellious tear escape my eye.

"i want you to stay with me, len. i want us to be together again like old times. i broke up with gemma last night— just couldn't bare to see her face anymore now that i've finally seen you." his other hand held some concealed bottle.

"i've been looking for a reason to break up with her and here you are, presenting yourself on some sort of silver platter as they'd say." i wasn't sure if i'd shivered from his words, or because he had the air conditioning on full blast.

massive attack weren't playing anymore. instead, a song by the strokes began, the opening riffs polluting my ears as i tried to think of what to say.

in many ways, they'll miss the good old days.

someday... someday.

yeah, it hurts to say, but i want you to stay.

sometimes... sometimes.

when we was young, oh man, did we have fun

always... always.

promises, they break before they're made

sometimes... sometimes.

"i don't ever wanna get with you again after that, matty." i spoke amongst the vocalist's baritone voice.

you say you wanna stand by my side

darling, your head's not right

he scoffed and took a swig from the concealed bottle, now revealing the liquor label. i took a deep breath after noticing this and that small baggie on the dashboard.

he's intoxicated. it finally started to dawn on me.

he was just messing with my head, and i let him do that. he wasn't being serious right now with me. he probably wasn't serious when he told sade that he was still in love with me. typical matty.

"talk to me when you're actually sober." i spat, reaching for the handle.

no, i ain't wastin' no more—

i slammed the door shut and went back into the building.