Break In My Heart

49. Wishes

"Come on, Addi. It'll be fun, promise."

Tyler stood a few yards in front of me with his arms extended toward me like a child. His breath clouded the air in front of him as he breathed, yet despite how cold it was, unparalleled excitement still twinkled in his eyes.

"I don't know, Ty. I...I don't think I can do it." Shame spread like a web through my chest as I broke eye contact. I felt like a massive buzzkill and overall dick, but I was terrified. Despite the immense gratitude, I felt toward Tyler for organizing today and being so excited to share one of his passion of ice skating with me, I just wouldn't get the image of me grotesquely and gruesomely whipping out and ruining the day and the rest of our winter break for the both of us. And even if I didn't hurt myself, I was embarrassed that I'd wipe out time after time and never actually skate. Even though it was only the two of us at the little indoor rink, that still would've been beyond embarrassing and equally buzz-killy.

"Hey, it's ok," he said from directly in front of me, somehow doing it with incredible ease and grace. "I know it's scary but let's try this: we'll try one lap, and I promise I'll be by your side the whole time, and if you're still not feeling it, that's ok. We'll stop and find something else to do. But if you like it, then I can keep teaching you and see where we go. Sounds fair?"

I shook my head. "If I can't do it, then that means you wasted your money for nothing."

"Addi, baby, today's not about the money. It's about you having a good time, okay? Let's just give it a try, yeah?" He extended his hand for me to take. I looked at his hand, then at the rink that seemed to go on forever, then at his face. Warmth still radiated from his expression, and I could tell that he wasn't upset or irritated with me. He genuinely wanted me to have a good time, so I'd give it a try.

"Okay," I softly said as I took his hand in mine.

He offered me his signature smile that made my insides warm up. "Good. Now slowly step on. And don't worry, I've got you. You can hold on to the side too if you want. Just keep your knees slightly bent. That's the rule of thumb: keep your knees slightly bent and don't tense up your body while you skating or if you're falling or else you could get hurt. Got it? "

I nodded before I tightly gripped the side of the rink with one hand and firmly held Tyler's with the other. I slowly lifted my foot and stepped onto the ice. So far so good. I put the other one on and I slowly started moving. My heart started pounding in my chest, terrified that I was already moving, yet too scared to try to stop myself in fear that I'd make things worse. Seeing my obvious fear and discomfort, Tyler's warm grip slightly tightened around my hand, reminding me he was there. "You're doing great. Just relax. It's like roller skating, you just need to recenter your balance and not think so much that you're on ice, but that you're floating. Now follow my lead. Again, don't think about it as walking, think about it as skating. Transferring your weight from one foot to the other. We're going to slowly go forward, okay? You might have to loosen your grip on the wall a tiny bit, or you won't go anywhere."

I nodded and, despite the fact that I was absolutely terrified, I slightly loosened my grip on the wall and awaited his instructions.

"Ready?"

I nodded again.

"Ok, push off of your left foot and glide on the right."

I swallowed my fear and followed his instructions. I pushed off with my left and glided forward on my right, keeping my knees bent and trying to be as relaxed as possible. Think of it like regular skating. Think of it like regular skating. I kept repeating it to myself as I continued gliding, with each step, I felt more confident and secure. A smile spread across my face as I slowly picked up speed, not going too fast, but still going at a respectable speed. Tyler laughed. "Look, Romeo, we're almost there. You're doing it!"