Break In My Heart

29. Victory

I could hear the rhythm of the drumline in the distance above the deafening chatter of the locker room. I could practically feel the white stream of the floodlights washing over me even though we hadn't even set foot on the field. The phantom feeling of the football made my fingertips tingle and my legs buzz, ready to break out into a full run at any moment.

In the past month when my funk was the only thing ruling my life, I'd forgotten how energizing and sacred a football game felt, whether it was the first or the hundred and first.

But with that excitement coming back, so did the nerves. I was suddenly questioning every aspect of myself and my ability. What if I didn't play the same? What if I fumbled and cost our team the game? What if I couldn't read people's body language like I usually could and cost my team the win? It also didn't help that the last time I'd played on the field was the day I broke up with Kyra and messed up our standing for good. I wondered if she was thinking about that too. If her blood was boiling enough for her to out us to the whole world. I prayed to God she wouldn't.

"Hey," Tyler said as he sat down next to me in the quiet secluded corner of the locker room. His helmet was tucked under his arm and his jersey was rolled up a bit, showing off his abs that only hard work and genetics could produce.

"Hey."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I fibbed, but Tyler gave me the I'm not buying it look.

"Well, there must be a whole lot of nothing going on because your brows are furrowed the way they usually are when there's something wrong." To further prove his point he reached up and gently swept his thumb between my brows and sure enough, they were furrowed. I relaxed my face under his touch and looked away. "Sorry. I guess you know me too well."

"I guess I do," he said, but I still didn't meet his eyes. "Addi, what's wrong?"

"I'm nervous and I don't like it," I confessed, knowing that there was no point in me playing dumb. "I...I don't know, I'm anxious. I feel a weird...something that I've never felt before a game and it makes me uneasy."

Tyler looked at me and my already anxious stomach twisted into knots, but not the bad kind. It was as if his whole body was saying 'i love you' without saying a single word as he wrapped his arm around me and directed my head to his shoulder. Despite the spike of anxiety in my chest knowing that someone could easily see us and connect us to the "rumors", I didn't fight it. This was the first time today that I'd actually gotten to feel his touch since we'd been sticking to our plan of avoiding each other as much as possible during the day, only able to sneak glances at each other every now and then.

I needed this.

"It's okay, Addi. I get it. This is your first big anything since everything went down; you have a right to be kinda uneasy. But remember you've done this a million times and you'll continue doing it a million more. You are the Addison Bruno-Williams. A certified beast and a force I wouldn't want to screw with if I were those Gregson guys. Besides," he grabbed my hand and laced his fingers with mine, "you got me, Romeo." My knee caps tingled at his words. My mind couldn't process how he'd been through so much in such a short amount of time, yet he was always the one comforting me.

God, I didn't deserve him.

"I think that nickname is growing on me," I admitted as a whisper of a chuckle escaped my lips. I made a mental note to find one for him.

Tyler grinned before he leaned in to kiss me, but just as his lips brushed mine, Coach blew his whistle, causing me to jump and accidentally bite Tyler's lip. He lowly cursed as he pulled away and a wave of embarrassment moved through me.