Fading

Chapter Eight

Louis snacks on six almonds and drinks a tea with a splash of milk while he works on the alterations for the girls garments during lunch. His last two classes pass by easy enough and he makes his way back to the flat. He knows it will be empty when he gets there, Liam has football practice and Zayn will be at the skatepark. Louis tells himself he doesn’t mind being alone, that he likes it, but that’s a lie. He unlocks the door and the flat feels almost as cold as it was outside. He dumps his messenger bag and beelines for the thermostat to crank up the heat. He goes to his room and finds another jumper to pull on, changing out of jeans and into sweatpants.

He pulls his laptop out of his bag and sets it on the counter in the kitchen, opening iTunes and selecting a song so the music fills the empty apartment. Next he pulls up his favourite recipe website. He finds a recipe for teriyaki noodles with prawns and vegetables and begins to gather all the ingredients he’ll need. Louis makes dinner almost three nights a week when the boys don’t get home until later. He was never a good cook before but he’s learned, he puts a lot of care into the things he makes for them.

Cooking for them is one of the only ways he can give a little back of what they give to him. They take care of him all the time and he likes being able to have a warm meal waiting for them when they get home after a long day. He cooks the prawns in the pan with the teriyaki sauce, boiling the noodles and the vegetables on the side. His movements are slow and deliberate because his joints almost constantly ache. He used to be a bundle of energy, flitting around and never sitting still, now he just feels tired most of the time.

When the prawns have coloured up he drains the water from the noodles. His hands shake as he holds the pot over the sink and the simple task leaves his heart fluttering. He ignores it, as he always does. He adds the noodles to the sauce and prawns to brown while he drains the vegetables. He sets aside six pieces of broccoli for himself. He sautés everything together, and breathes in the smell. His mouth waters and his stomach almost turns in on itself but he doesn’t even crave the food in the pan because he knows he’ll just hate himself even more later.

When the food is done Louis covers it and keeps the burner on the lowest setting before sitting down at the kitchen table with his six pieces of broccoli and a large glass of water. He gets up to refill his water after his third full piece because the water helps his stomach feel like it’s getting more. The broccoli doesn’t taste like much but it weighs heavy in his gut and he has to force each bite down. He only eats five pieces.

Louis goes to the pan, scoops out one noodle and one prawn and sets them on his plate. He scoops up some sauce and smears it around on the plate, splitting apart the prawn and squishing the noodle a bit. When the plate looks used he sets it in the sink.

When Zayn gets home he finds Louis bundled up on the couch trying to keep warm as he flips through channels. He dishes himself out a plate and comes to snuggle under Louis’ blanket. Louis whines a little when Zayn lets the heat out of the cocoon but he quickly scrambles over and presses himself against Zayn’s side to try and leech some of his body heat.

Zayn presses a kiss to the top of Louis’ head, “you eat already?”

“Yeah I was starving, sorry I couldn’t wait for you guys,” Louis lies.

Zayn doesn’t question it because Louis always eats before they get home on the days he cooks dinner. They never question it.

“Thanks for cooking, smells delicious,” Zayn replies.

When Zayn is done eating he opens his arms to properly cuddle Louis and they’re twined up together when Liam gets home from practice. He grabs a plate and comes to the couch, getting under the blankets and sandwiching Louis in the middle. He says his hello’s but digs in quickly, ravenous from practice. When he is finished he sets his plate next to Zayn’s on the coffee table and finishes the rest of Louis’ water.