Fading

Chapter Twenty Two

Harry is digging around in the fridge when he hears footsteps padding into the kitchen behind him.

"Hey mate," Liam says, when Harry looks over his shoulder.

"Morning Li," Harry says, giving a small smile.

"Listen, I'm really sorry about last night. I was a complete arse. I should have just kept my mouth shut," he says, "honesty like- literally thank god for you Harry, because clearly I don't know how to help Louis. You've managed to get him to eat three full meals, and all I've managed to do was hurt him more."

Harry shakes his head, "I'm honestly just as out of my depth with this as you are, man. But I know you just love him, and I know how you feel. It's frustrating, this whole situation is shitty."

"I'm just so angry. I'm so mad at myself for not noticing," Liam swallows thickly, "and what terrifies me the most is.....like- fuck Harry what if you'd never come along? What if you two never got together, or Louis never got his kit off with you. What if we had never noticed, and one day Louis' heart just stopped, and we didn't fucking know why, until the paramedics cut off his clothes, and he was nothing but bones. I can't- I'll never fucking forgive myself for failing him like that. I'm supposed to keep him safe. I swore I'd keep him safe."

Liam's voice is shaking by the time he's finished, and Harry knows how that feels. He knows what it's like to play every 'what if' scenario over in your head, and add guilt to your heap, with each way you've failed. He knows what it feels like to realize you've made a mistake with someone else's life, just by not being observant enough. He reaches out and pulls Liam into a hug. Liam squeezes him tightly, and buries his face in Harry's chest, breathing in shakily.

"You can't think about that, mate. At least now we know. You just have to remember how hard this is for Louis right now. He feels like he's losing control, and he's going to lash out and we can't- we need to be the calm ones. We need to show him that it's going to be okay," Harry tries to explain, "because if we push Louis too hard and he just says 'fuck it I'm not eating at all' then what are we going to do? Force him into the hospital and have him hate us? Watch him shrivel up and die? Just think about how little he was eating before; anything he eats now is progress."

Liam sniffles and nods, "okay," he says, "okay."

"Okay," Harry agrees.

It's quiet for a while before Liam speaks, "you know Haz, I've never seen Lou look at anyone the way he looks at you," he says quietly, "that's how I knew right away that you were good for him. Because he'd seemed so numb for so long, but his eyes always lit up when he talked about you, even when he didn't let it show on his face. And then we met you, and I saw the way you looked at him, and I never questioned it after that."

Harry lets Liam's words wash over him and he feels his heart clench, "I love him so much," Harry says softly.

"I know you do. And I know he hasn't said it back, but you've gotta know that he cares about you so much, Harry. It scares him how much he cares. He's never even come close to feeling like this about somebody before, he's never let himself before. The fact that he's putting himself out there like that, for you, is worth so much more than three words," Liam tells him earnestly.

Harry nods, swallowing hard past the emotion in his throat, "I don't need him to say it. I'm just glad he lets me stick around," he says honestly.

Liam nods, "I'm glad he does too," he says, "Now I need to go apologize."

Harry nods, hoping Louis will be okay with that. He's seen Louis and Liam bicker before, but never really fight. He doesn't know if he should tell Liam to give him some space still; he saw in Louis' eyes how hurt he was last night. Liam gives Harry a last squeeze, and then pads down the hall, knocking lightly on Louis' door.