Fortuitous (BoyxBoy)

Fourteen

 

IT’S OKAY

 

            There’s a nagging terror in the back of my head. I tried to put it to rest by thinking about Sein. And it helped that I’ve accepted how much I am in love with him. I’m in love with his smile. I’m in love with his deep dark eyes. I’m in love with his laugh and how adorable it is. God, when he laughed I felt like he opened up every cell in his body to show me everything he was made of. 

            So I’ll hold on to that. And I’ll hold to the million other things that made me smile every time I thought of him, even the times I didn’t realize it was him that I was thinking of. I’ll use the memories of the most amazing times I’ve spent with him and the promise I felt the first time I heard his voice. 

            I’ll hold on to very man that is Sein de Leon and I’ll cloak myself in the words he used that he didn’t think I understood. And I’ll find comfort in the heat from his body until morning comes.

            Sometimes Sein was a morning person. Sometimes on the weekend when I went to see him in the afternoons he had messy bedhead, puffy face, and eyes squinting in the daylight. Sometimes when I woke up in his bed I would be surrounded by complete darkness in the afternoon. I never made it a habit to sleep in late because I always had things to do. Now, with Sein, I realized I made myself have things to do. I woke up in the afternoon and lgbtlove.com didn’t burn to the ground while I slept.

            He decided he was a morning person today. He hummed quietly while he made breakfast. Whatever song he hummed in his head he would move his hips a little to it. I kept my distance. I learned that he still slunk back into his shyness sometimes, and the second he realized I was watching him he would stop, embarrassment complementing his features until I kiss him out of him. Which is exactly what happened. 

            Sein threw his head back, laughing shyly when he realized I decided to do a tricky little spin and his eyes landed on me. Smiling softly, I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck so he wouldn’t get away while I peppered his face with kisses. Yeah, I thought when I felt the tension eased out of him. He melted into my arms more smoothly and I could deliver a proper kiss. I loved that little hum he always made in the back of his throat right before he pulled me closer to him for a deeper kiss. I felt the passion burning through his lips and seeping to my soul. I wanted more. I wanted so much more.

            “Breakfast,” Sein panted, nipping on my lips before he finally managed to wiggle out of my arms.

            He turned his attention to the stove and I turned my attention to him, grabbing onto his hips and pressing my body against his. I felt him shudder as I grinded my hardening cock against him, kissing and nibbling the back and sides of his neck before pulled his shirt collar to the side to place wet kisses on his shoulder.

            “Max,” Sein moaned. It sounded like a warning and a plea all in one.

            Slowly, I pushed my hand under his shirt from the back then made my way to the front, teasing just above his boxers. I couldn’t hide the smile as I heard the soft sound of the stove turning off. I expected something rough when Sein turned around. What I got was something demanding and reassuring and sweet. It took me back to our first kiss. Sein had a raw look in his eyes. And Sein eyes spoke things his mouth would never manage to say. I said the first thing that came to mind.

            “I —” the doorbell rang.

            “What?” Sein said. “What were…say what you were gonna say?”

            The doorbell rang again. “You should get that.” I walked to get the door since it didn’t look like Sein was planning on it anytime today. I opened the door and I could not believe who was staring back at me.

            “Daniel?” Sein said. If he sounded shocked I don’t even want to know what I looked like.

            “This is the Daniel that’s your ex?!”

            “No. This is my brother. Daniel, what are you doing here? Wait. Do you know him?” He turned to me. “How do you two know each other? Where are you going? What…”

            I didn’t even notice I was putting my shoes on. I made to get my coat by the door when I realized I already had it on. I can’t fucking breathe. I need to get out. I grabbed my keys from the holder before passing between them. I couldn’t even look at them. If I looked then everything would be clear and I could not afford to see the big clusterfuck of a situation building up around me. Not today. Not on a good fucking day like this.

            Of course this would fucking happen. This is me. My life isn’t build to have an adorably sleeping boyfriend to wake up to. One who got embarrassed when I caught him singing, one that I gladly spoiled and continued to do it because I never felt taken advantage of, one that put value in my time and showed me how to enjoy the little moments, especially the ones when the moon is high in the sky and the moments right before or after the sun rises.

            Of course not. Somehow it was the afternoon and I had a list of missed calls from Sein. After staring at my blank TV a while longer, I redialed.

            “I thought walking away was my thing,” He said when he picked up. I didn’t feel like laughing. “Are you okay?”

            “It depends if you have anything good to tell me.” When he didn’t respond I had my answer. “That bad, huh?”

            “It looks bad. He hasn’t said a word since…and he…he kept staring after you. Do I even want to know what happened between you two, Maxwell?”

            “It was a long time ago,” I said. I felt like I needed to defend something, or someone. Myself.

            “Really? Then why does my brother look like something has been ripped away from him?” Sein whispered but there was anger in his voice.

            “How’s that my concern? It was a long time ago. I dealt with my demons a long time ago and I moved on,” I said.

“It is your concern, Maxwell. You might have dealt with your demons but there haunting us now. I’m in the dark here and I feel completely out of place.”

            “I don’t know what you want me to say. I don’t know what to say. I was a freshman in high school. This isn’t something I can apologize.”

            “I know.”

            “So where does that leave us?”

            Sein was quiet for too long once again. “I didn’t know it was you,” Sein said.

            I sat up on the couch. “What?”

            “If I’m right about who you are, and I think I am because…Max,” his voice cracked. I heard a door closed and then he sniffled. I never wanted to hold him so badly before. “I don’t know what to do, Max. He’s my brother and he’s still in love with you. How do I choose who to do right by?”

            “It’s okay,” I responded when I finally found my voice. It wasn’t really much of a voice when I knew how this ended. I had a brother. I knew.

I know it’s short. More to come soon.