Fortuitous (BoyxBoy)

Two

lovefreely played by Miguel Iglesias. They're both on the cover of the book that I made. 

                                 MY BROTHER AND USERNAME: LOVEFREELY

            For about half an hour I’ve been sitting listening to one gorgeous man talk about himself. Yes. There is nothing sexier than talking to a man that loves talking about himself so much that I cannot get a word in to ask him a question about himself. That he loved so much. The irony in this entire situation is he messaged me about wanting to get to know me more.

            Sure, he was fun to look at. Cute. Innocent looking face. Buzz cut and clean shaved face. Blue eyes. Straight nose. Small pouty lips. Medium built…few good inches shorter than I was. Like I said, fun to look at.

            Jesus Christ, this guy was horrible to be around. I don’t think it was possible for him to say a sentence without the word “I” in it. 

            Why am I doing this?

            Right. Because Dad looked the same way he had looked when he realized my mother left for good when he said he was scared for me and that he was worried I would end up shutting myself down like he did many years after she left. I caved. All the anger I felt—more about the fact that they felt like they had the right to go behind my back and do something I clearly opposed to because I told my dad before— just evaporated and I promised to at least give it a try for a month only.

            Three dates later and I still think this is a terrible fucking idea. I’d rather go speed dating. I’d never say that that in front of Dad or Brian because they may get ideas. Simon I trust. I tell him all my secrets.

            Five minutes. That’s how long I zoned out for and my date was still talking about himself. “Hi, I’m Maxwell,” I said, with a smile. “Remember me?”

            Dinner was awkward after that. He barely said a word and neither did I. I paid our bill. It wasn’t a big deal, really. After not letting him soothe my ears with how amazing he was, I felt inclined to pay the bill. He had to use the bathroom so I waited patiently for him then walked him to his car, and after all that, after what I thought was a horrible first date, he tried to kiss me. And that just made things more awkward.

            “Have a good night,” I said. When he went into his car I walked to mine that was a few rows over, shaking my head as I went.

            Am I that old school that I require more than physical attraction to kiss someone? Damn me.

            When I kiss someone it’s not to arouse me or to soothe some itch that I had to scratch. I want my body and soul to be aroused, too. There are better ways to get someone to like you more than showing them you’re one hell of a kisser. Yeah, that may get me going. Yeah, I’d probably want to have sex with you and if I do I won’t like you anymore than I did before we had sex. You’d have satisfied my sexual need (probably) but my emotional and mental needs would still be left unfed.

            I guess I’m that old school after all.

            I got home, hung my keys on the key hanger by the door, and went to my bedroom, undressed and then right into the shower. For some reason unknown to me, I felt like I was washing something off of me. Suddenly I felt unclean. I’ve only ever felt like this once before and that was my freshman year. It bothered me that I didn’t know why.

            It was almost eleven by the time I felt clean enough to get out the shower. I called my brother, knowing he would only talk to me for a minute or less. He went to bed every night at 11 o’clock. When he was in high school it was 9:30.