DARK RED [ITADORI Y.]

―XX. MY OWN

CHAPTER XX. I WANTED TO DO IT ON MY OWN.

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TO be truthfully honest, I'd like to say that I'm not afraid of anything. I've done things that people have called me a total idiot for doing. Even I'll admit that I've done things that have been questionable. Like when I was thirteen and my family went on vacation, and I flipped off the top of a cliff into the water but misjudged how far I'd jumped, and busted my ass on a bunch of rocks. Or, that time when I was walking in the deer park with my sister, and I saw a fox, and tried to grab its tail and then got chased around for the following two hours.

The main idea: I've done a lot of stupid stuff. Sure, almost everything I've done has ended me up in the hospital or with a few bruises, but none have ever gotten me into trouble. I've never been in trouble with the police, I was never a bad kid in school, and I was kind to my elders and other strangers. I was a good kid.

So, it leads me to wonder how I ended up here. I've done anything bad to anyone. I believed in God. I listened to my parents. I've never caused anyone any harm. I never hurt anyone. I've done nothing to get the karma that I have.

It leads me to wonder, just a mere two weeks after my trial, how I ended up here: doubled over on the ground, my arms wrapped around my stomach in pain as blood pooled under me. How did I even get here? Why me? Why, after everything good I've done? Why would God choose to curse me?

I couldn't understand. Sure, I wasn't the brightest, and I almost failed middle school, but to be punished like this? Never knowing what days I was going to live and what days I weren't? Guessing how badly I would be in pain when I left at the end of the day? If I would have to wait to be able to stand up because I'd have to muster strength I did have?

It was so pathetic that I had lied to my friends. I had to make up excuses on why I couldn't hang out with Yuki and Oyama because I didn't want them to see the bruises on my face. I had to lie to my classmates and tell them that I was just really klutzy during training. And my family? It was so sad because I hadn't even seen my mother! I could only talk to her over the phone because I know I'd make her cry if she saw me like this.

I couldn't even recognize myself anymore! I had dark circles under my eyes from the fucked-up sleep schedule I had. I was bouncing between trying to stay alive from Kazuhiro and staying caught up on my general studies. I was often staying up trying to finish my work, which led me to stay huddled in my room. Most of my friends had begun to drift off, breaking away from me because I was just too busy. The only one who really stayed was Itadori.

He was almost always calling me. He sent me all the notes he stole from Fushiguro. He checked up on me. He cared. And I needed that. But I didn't know how much longer I could take doing this.

I was physically forcing myself to get out of my own pool of blood. It soaked my shirt and my pants, my hands, and arms, and dribbled down the side of my face. I had forced myself to stumble back onto my feet and make my vision focus so that I could have enough sight to get the fuck out of here.

And Kazuhiro? He would just laugh. He would cackle and tell me how pathetic I was. "How could I be so strong, but couldn't even take a middle school beating?" This was not a middle school beating. This was a life-or-death fight. A child was shoved into a cage with a raging lion who hasn't eaten for months. That's the kind of fight I was put into.

But he was right. I was pathetic. I had a fucking goddess in me. But I couldn't even fight back against him? I tried to do it on my own, I really did. I didn't want to ask Eris. I wanted to do it on my own.

I just couldn't.

I can't even stand on my own. Eris healed everything as she promised, but that didn't take away the pain that came with it. Kazuhiro was no help either. In his eyes, I was just a tool. A weapon that he could use because I couldn't die. He was toying with me, and he was having a damn good time doing it.

Preoccupied in my own mind, I hadn't noticed that I'd stopped walking. That I'd leaned against the wall for support. That my knees had buckled and I slid to the floor. I hadn't heard the people coming from the hall.

Shit, I was so close to my room. I just had to get up and go a little further. Then, I could go in and not have to worry about anything or anyone.

But I couldn't get up. I had no strength left. I'd been trying so hard for the past two weeks. I'd done everything I could. But I was too tired.

It was sad that it took me so long to even register the face leaning over me. I should have recognized Itadori, but I didn't. He was shaking me, worriedly asking if I was okay over and over again. I couldn't even give him an answer.

I felt his arms slip under my knees and my back. He lifted me up and turned his head, talking to someone else: something about Gojo and Kazuhiro. I don't know. I was just so tired.

I leaned my head against his chest. I could hear the rhythmic beats of his heart start to increase, though it was starting to lull me to sleep. His hand was holding onto my waist, his grip tightening when I laid my head on his chest. As he walked away, I saw him moving past two other people. Fushiguro and Kugisaki maybe?

"It's alright," Itadori eased, pulling me closer against him. "I've got you."

I closed my eyes. "I'm sorry," I whispered, feeling my eyebrows pinch together.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for," He replied sweetly. "I'll take care of you, Y/n."

[Chapter XX. End]
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