One Step Ahead Part II | Sirius Black

Chapter 199

Sirius stares at his reflection in the mirror, chest rising and falling rapidly.

He hated being an early riser, hated that light barely had to stream through the curtains to wake him. Though today he was grateful. Today he never wanted to sleep again, if only to not have to face his nightmares.

He leans forward, braces his forearms against the sink and exhales shakily. The water runs hot, steaming up the mirror enough to distort his reflection. Good. He didn't want to see his face. It only reminded him of his parents.

Gwen was recovering just fine. The days following his worst nightmare had been okay, full of resting for the Veela. And while he'd initially been unable to leave her side, now he could hardly bare to touch her. He was terrified she would break, crumble at the slightest brush of contact. He knew it was stupid, but his words never escaped the locked box of his chest. Much like his feelings.

Sirius quickly turns the water off, rakes his damp hands through his hair. He swallows down the bile that creeps up from his throat like acid. When he leaves the bathroom he can hear bustling in the levels of the house below, but he just shuffles back to the guestroom to resume his post of watching Gwen until she would begin to wake and he'd pretend to sleep.

He's not so lucky this time.

Sirius clutches his chest when he enters the room, cursing in surprise at the sight of the Veela perched on the foot of the bed. Her knees are tucked up under her chin, arms hanging loosely around her legs. He rushes forward, asking worriedly, "What's wrong—"

"You."

Sirius freezes, hand hovering mid air. Gwen blinks, smile faint and only conveying compassion despite the flatness of her tone. He hesitates, silence falling between them. And then the Veela leans her head forward to rest her cheek on her knees, eyes thoughtful as she wonders, "I was curious as to whether or not we would finally discuss what has been bothering you?"

"I'm bothered by the fact that you almost died," Sirius snaps, instantly regretting the anger in his voice. Defense. He would always be defensive. He couldn't help it. It was the thing he envied most about his love, her ability to be both open and reserved.

"No," Gwen replies kindly. "That's not it."

Sirius clenches his fist, hand dropping to hang by his side. He wants to touch her, wants to say what he thinks, how he feels. It comes out as a plea, a desperate attempt to change the subject, "Inferi, please."

The Veela just smiles, her eyes so clear and open that he prays to whoever listening that what he has to say won't cloud them. But he has a strong suspicion that she already knows. She knew everything.

"Orion and Wallburga are dead."

He swallows past the lump in his throat, startled to realize that he's said it. He'd finally admitted it. Finally said it to the person he'd wanted to tell the most. It was strange how hard it was, how hard it was to confess that he felt something about his biological parents death.

Gwen lifts her head, stares at him for a few long moments before saying gently, "Yes. They are."

Sirius' chest feels like it's been cracked open, like he's baring his soul to her. It's the most vulnerable he's ever felt, the most willing he's ever been to be vulnerable.

"And when I went to tell you," His voice shakes, he clenches his hands tighter. "When I went to tell you, you were dead."

He flinches when her hand reaches out, her fingertips brushing his, sounding strained as he says, "I needed you. And I killed you."

"You are not responsible—" Gwen starts, eyes widening slightly when he raises his voice and insists, "My family is responsible, my birthright is the death of people—"