THIRTY

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TW: eating disorder mentality

TW: eating disorder mentality

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-MAISIE-


THE RAIN IS long gone. But the gushes of wind continue whispering on the windows and wooden floor.

Instead of sleeping, I spent the whole night staring at the shadows on the ceiling while my mind traveled places. I made at least five plans just to throw them away. Then, I arrived to the lucky sixth.

I texted Noah saying I would need his car today. He hasn't seen the message yet. It is four fifty-two in the freaking morning, after all.

My brain reviews my newest idea but the only conclusion I come up is stupid. So, so stupid. Will I back away? Hell no. Does that make me borderline insane? Probably.

There are at least seven things that can go wrong. From troopers stopping me to one of my brothers getting home early, from me causing an accident in the middle of an interstate to Garcia not giving me the time of the day. And the latter would be the best case scenario from all the things the guy could do to me.

But, in my defense, I am a teenager. When any of us ever think things through?

I hear the floorboards on the hallway cracking, a pair of shadows underneath my door. A second later, it is carefully pushed open. A dim light enters my bedroom.

Kitty runs from the end of my bed towards the other side of the room, right through the open door. I recognize the tall figure in the hallway as my oldest brother.

His eyes scan the room, not noticing my opened ones in the dark. One of his hands holds the doorknob, the other leans on the frame. I blink, capturing his wind jacket and running pants.

He takes a step back before I make it clear I am wide awake. The head of my bed leans on the opposite wall from the entrance and as soon as I move the slightest bit on the matters, my brother acknowledges me.

"Hi," Alasdair breathes out. His eyebrows furrow when looking at me. "Everything okay, doll?"

"I, uh," I choke on my words. More precisely, on the emptiness in them. There is so much to be said, but nowhere to exactly begin.

I need a day off to go to New Hampshire again. It is not like I can just skip school and pray they won't call my brother. So I need him to let me stay home today.

How I am going to do that? Great question. I didn't exactly get to that part of the plan.

Al sighs, his hand pushing him off the door frame as his feet follow the way towards my bed.

"Come on, talk to me," he mutters, his body dipping on the mattress.

"It's my throat." I shrug, hoping that this will be enough.

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