Inquisitione - Pierre Gasly

3.3

Sitting on a plane alone for several hours wasn't something I was used to anymore. Since I chose to leave behind my sports career I never really had to take any flights without Pierre or at least someone he knew. Flying was never my favourite way of traveling, even though it was always a huge part of my life, but doing it to attend his races made it all worth it. Hell, doing it to spend time with him off track was even more worth it. However I had to realise that was now out of the picture, most likely for the rest of my life, thanks to me being the one who initialised the break up. I couldn't imagine crawling myself back to him and reliving this whole situation one again just to have to leave him for a second time. It wasn't a real possibility.

I was way too tired by the time I finally arrived in France and could get a cab that took me home. My brain, still running at light's speed with 'what if' questions, left me unable to sleep and I also knew it wouldn't change by the time it would be time to sleep in my own bed. The whole apartment felt unfamiliar and cold, and in a way even unwelcoming the moment I stepped inside and everything dawned on me. Packing out was the only thing that could ground my thoughts and finally gave myself the chance to let everything out. My only right conscious decision was to get everything social media related away from myself, even putting my laptop into a drawer before I could use work as a coping mechanism. It would have only broken me even more as everything work related included Pierre and the race weekends as well.

For a few days I tried to keep myself busy and distracted, meeting up with other people who I knew wouldn't bring my pain up accidentally. I was holding myself back from going to my family's, knowing it gave a chance for Julien to meet me once again and ruin that one last tiny piece of my heart that was still together. I was even doing a bit better day by day, thinking I would be able to get myself together alone, right until I made the stupid decision to turn on my work phone. It was immediately flooded with texts from both Pierre's phone, whose number was blocked on my daily mobile exactly because of this. I couldn't read a few of them and knew straight away that I would need a lot more distraction than I first thought.

Giving up my stubbornness I finally packed my bags once again and took my parents up on their offer, letting them know that I would be staying with them for a few days. I didn't really feel like letting them know what went down but they seemed to understand the moment I was let inside the next day. They were happy to announce that Julien would be coming over during the week as well, meaning well but completely missing the point of why I was trying to hide away alone. Still, knowing that going home would affect me even worse I just chose to stay and hope that my brother would for once be understanding.