confessions -gawsten

Jesus Christ

TW SUICIDE + OVERDOSE

"Awsten. We need to go." His mom said, worry fumed from her face.

"Why, mommy?" Awsten asked, his eyes widening,

"What happened?" His heart began to race.

"How long were you in there for?" His mom would never asked what he had confessed. That was personal, between him and God.

"Uhm... It was kind of long, so like an hour..?" Awsten guessed off the top of his head, he felt horrible. He needed to apologize to God for going against him, he felt so guilty.

"Geoff's in the hospital and he left a really strange note and-." Awsten's mom finally spat out, she began to cry. Awsten's eyes welled up in tears,

"Momma... He tried to kill himself?!" Awsten yelled.

"Shh. Come one let's go Awsten. We need to go now! His family needs us." Awsten's mom grabbed onto his wrist and dragged him out to the car.

It didn't take long to get there and soon they were in the waiting room with Geoff's parents.

"He.. He came home a little later then he- and he just ran upstairs, we thought it was strange because he never does that. Then the regular music, but then we heard a few things from his room and we didn't think about it. I don't know why, but then we went to check on him after it went silent and he was on the ground and there was a note and a pile of clothes a whole pile of them."  Geoff's mom explained, occasionally wiping her eyes with he hands, "The note... is for you.." She handed him the note and he stared at it before hesitantly grabbing it, then unfolding it, noticing Geoff's messy handwriting,

Dear Awsten, (No one else. This isn't for you if you aren't her.)

hi, i'm sorry. i'm not sure how your finding this out did my mom tell you? or did you get a text? idk but i cant live with how i treated you. it's dumb i'm dumb but i love you and i don't want you to ever be upset i'm supposed to protect you but i don't know how anymore. i protected you when you first came out and you cut your hair. i'm sorry i said you looked like a boy. your not a boy, or a girl and i shouldn't have gendered you. i protected you from that boy that tried to pants you in the 4th grade. but now i cant protect you and i feel horrible. i left you some stuff?? i wanted you to keep it, it's not your stuff though. that goes with me when im buried and stuff and then i'll always be with you... even though it's mostly undergarments... there are some crewnecks and sweaters i get to snuggle while I'm 5 ft under. remember when we went trick or treating as Jack and Sally? i miss that, i wouldve done another costume with you this year, but i made my decision. Can you wear pink to my funeral? I'm gonna wear pink too. That's what I want. You take my college fund and my blankets. i want you to have my record player and all my records. will you listen to them? i'm in love with you, so much love.  youre so beautiful. my best friend, my soulmate. you will do so good! <3 bye

Awsten stared at it, his jaw was dropped tears had already been falling on the paper. He folded it up and put it in his pocket.

"I hate him." Awsten sobbed, "I hate him so bad." He got up and ran out of the hospital.

He ran

and ran

and ran, until he got to Geoff's house and ran inside. He's got to be here, he's not in there he's not he's not. Awsten ran up the stairs and flung his door open.

No one.

Not one person.

Geoff was in the hospital. And there were the clothes in the pile. Another piece of paper on-top that said for my soulmate. He was so dumb. Awsten hated him, he laid in Geoff's bed and cried. He wanted to recall all the good memories so many of them that are good.