Is This Even Worth Fighting For?

nineteen

"Let's get this show on the road!" James cheered throwing the last bag into the back of his dad's old truck. This truck has seen more miles with us then it ever did with anyone else
"Drive safe, be safe.Keep Riley safe. Don't do anything stupid" Mum said kissing James cheeks
"Riles, don't let him get into trouble" Mum said now kissing my cheek, I smiled at her
"I won't" I replied now hugging her
James has his power nap that then turned into a 2 hour nap so we were heading off later then planned 
Regardless it was nice to spend time with his family, it's been a hot minute since I've been able to do that/ Yeah I saw Piper here and there but nothing like the time I just had with them
There is something about sitting in the back garden with James' entire family that just sends memories and feelings flooding back and I couldn't have been happier
Everything else didn't seem to matter at all in that moment 

"Ahh the open road" James said as soon as we were out of his street
"We haven't even decided where we are going" I laughed thinking about how spontaneous this plan was
I most certainly don't have as much of a spontaneous side as James does but when I'm around him. He just seems to bring it out whether i like it or not 
"not true, I have this all planned out" James said smiling his usual cheeky grin
"Oh yeah? Want to include me in this?" I asked and he chuckled 
"we are going to Hamilton" he said and I laughed this time
"You mean the place we tried to go last time but got lost?" I asked and James glanced at me for a second before smiling
"Exactly" He replied and I rolled my eyes

After a quick hour drive, we were there and I'm beginning to question how on earth we got lost last time
"See! Isn't this great! We have a beautiful view of the lake, no other people in sight" James said opening the back of the truck
"A perfect little escape" I smiled and he nodded undoing to cover of the back
"You went full out" I chuckled looking at the set up in the back, he had the air matress, about a thousand pillows
"The A-Troupe Chat is blowing up" I chuckled feeling my phone vibrate while I could see James' doing the same in his pocket
"You know what" He said taking his phone out of his pocket
He held it up to me before smiling and switching it off
"Not this weekend. Whatever drama they've mustered together can wait" He said throwing his phone into his bag
"I agree"I said repeating his actions 
We were having a full down escape from reality and I was here for it

At this point, it was dark out and James being the outdoorsy guy he is already has a fire light and some cushions around it so we could sit together
"I don't remember the last time I did anything like this" I said taking a seat next to him
"Me either, I actually think the last time I did this was with you. Matter of a fact, I haven't ever done it with anyone else" He said smiling at me, I smiled back leaning my head on his shoulder letting out a long sigh
"You okay?" He asked placing his head on top of mine
"Yeah, you know I think I am" I replied
"When I went through this before, I ran away from it. I dealt with it alone but I'm glad I have someone to go through it with this time" I said smiling at him as I took his hand in mine
I wasn't ready to be with anyone right now but I know, when the time is right. I would love with that person to be James

"If I could have been there last time, just know I would have in a heartbeat" He said giving our hands a squeeze
"I know" I smiled 
There are times where I look back on the last year and I wonder how I managed to just pick up and leave, the true test to any relationship isn't about the hurt or the heartbreak. It's about how you conquer that together and I did quite the opposite
I ran away from the problem, I didn't do anything to try and work on it 
"I'm sorry for leaving" I muttered making James hum in response until he clocked onto what I had said
"Riley you don't need to apologise for that. I don't blame you at all. I broke your heart" he said and I sighed
"But I should have stayed, given you the benefit of the doubt. Fought for us" I replied looking up at him and he shook his head

"Listen to me, you are one of the strongest girls I've met, the strongest I've ever loved. You do everything you can to see the best in people, you do what you can to make others happen but in turn you neglect yourself. When I broke your heart it was the first time in a very long time that you put yourself first and I couldn't have been prouder of you" He said smiling 
"Fighting for us would have been great yeah but you worked on yourself and that matters a hell of a lot more to me then anything else" He said intertwining our hands
"You wouldn't be who you are today without leaving" He said making me smile
"And the person you are today, is fucking amazing" He smiled making me bite my lip
How on earth did I ever walk away from him...