Is This Even Worth Fighting For?

twentynine

It's been a long time since i've had a moment like this, I can't really explain it. But I guess with everything that happened in a matter of a month, it really took its toll and not in a goodway 
"hey" I heard a gentle voice say as there was a knock on my bedroom door
"Hey" I smiled seeing James coming through the now open door.
Closing the door behind himself he came and joined me on the bed, since James brought me home I haven't really moved from the spot her left me
I was just trying to get my head around everything that has gone on
I don't want this to affect me the way it has, I just want to go back to happy days, days before Beth, before Sam, before any of this..
Back when I was truly started to come out of my shell

"How are we feeling?" He said taking his shoes off and jumping under the covers with me, I gently cuddled up to him laying my head on his chest as he stroked my hair
"I'm okay" I said leaning up to look at him, he smiled down at me gently pressing his lips against mine
"How were the rest of the team when you got back?" i asked, I know it should be the last thing on my mind right now but I can't help but think about them. Most of them are like my second family
"They were worried about you. They know I've got you though, Kate and Phoebe have cancelled rehearsals for the weekend though" He said kissing the top of my head
I smiled placing my hand lazily on his chest

"I don't deserve this" I whispered making James shuffle a little as if he was trying to look at my face
"Deserve what?" James asked 
"This, you helping me, you being around, the team being worried, the cancelling of practice" I rambled. James sighed moving again so he was looking at me face to face
"Riley. None of this is your fault, everyone gets overwhelmed sometimes and you've been through a lot recently. Nobody thinks any less of you" He said with his signature smile on his face
"I can name two people who do" I whispered 
"Fuck Beth" James said rolling his eyes
"Trust me, you will always be something that Beth could only wish to be and no matter how many times she tries to knock you down, I'll be there standing by your side" James said making me smile a little as his lips made contact with my forehead again

"As for Sam" James muttered, I looked up at him
"I know he messed up, I know he took it to a whole new level but I know for a fact he still cares. He wouldn't be agreeing to the crap Beth is saying. I know he hurt you, he knows he did to but he also at some point loved you Ri, he'll always care" He explained
"I just hate seeing them, it's a constant reminder of how all of this started" I explained and James nodded

"I don't doubt for a second that it is one of the hardest things you've faced. I hate what I did to you and I hate even more then Sam did it to a new extreme" He said pulling me closer
"But you are the strongest girl I've ever met Riley. I know that this is just going to be nothing but a bad dream in a couple months" He replied making me smile a little
"What if I can't survive these couple months?" I asked and James started to rub his hands up my arm as I made my smile drop with that one sentence
"I'm going to be here, every step of the way to make sure that you survive it Ri, you aren't alone I promise you" he said looking down at me again
"I can't burden you like this" I muttered and he chuckled
"It's the least I can do Ri, this wouldn't be happening if I hadn't kissed medusa"He replied making me roll my eyes
"I love you" James said making me smile up at him
"I love you" I replied leaning up to kiss him

--

There is something about waking up in James' arms that makes all of the little insecurities I have slowly settle, it's a known fact that the safest place I've ever been is in his arms. He knows it, I know it, hell the world bloody knows it
When we were younger, I hated how much he knew, how easy he could tell me mood swing, my mood change, everything you could even think about 
But now?
Now I wouldn't want it any other way
"Good morning Ri" His groggy morning voice called making me smile as I looked up at him to see his eyes still closed
"Good morning" I smiled kissing his cheek
"Rileyyy" he whined making me chuckle as I sat up
"Whattttt" I whined back in the same tone
"you missed" He said making me roll my eyes leaning back down to kiss his lips
As soon as our lips made contact, James' arm was on the back of my neck pulling me closer causing me to laugh a little as we pulled apart
"I wouldn't mind waking up to this every day you know" James said leaning up on one arm
I rolled my eyes grabbing the nearest pillow hitting him with it causing us both to fall into fits of giggles