Dissolving

Chapter 42 - Dissolving (1)

Time seems to stand still after Sean's revelation.

What?

I stare at my brother with big eyes as my brain sluggishly tries to process his words. This is the last thing I expected and it literally leaves me speechless.

Alex and Sean were in their old hometown on the East Coast only a few days ago?

Immediately, once I understand the meaning of his statement, Will springs to mind. He was there, too, somewhere. Only a few days ago. Probably at the same time as the other two.

Had we known that our older brothers were planning to go there, this would have changed a lot.

We could be so much closer to the truth now, if only we had been aware...

Maybe, if I play my cards right, this is our chance to find out the all-important information we have been looking for: where they grew up and lived before they moved here. Sean might tell me more about his hometown and where they went if I just ask the questions right.

A knot forms in my stomach and I unsuccessfully try to push it down. A tiny voice in the back of my mind tells me that this is wrong. That I cannot interrogate my brother about this. That it is unfair if I make him talk about something that will only hurt him. Even if I am genuine about wanting to know details about his and Alex's trip and about how he is doing with it all, there is no denying that there will be a pretty selfish reason behind it, too.

"Are you okay there, sweetheart?" Sean's voice interrupts my internal battle. "Maybe I shouldn't have told you this. Not after how you reacted to missing my birthday."

That second part he spoke, it sounded like he was talking more to himself than to me.

"No! No, Sean, it's totally okay that you told me about it. – I am glad you did," I quickly assure him.

I will not allow him to feel bad for being honest with me.

For sharing a secret, of all things.

Something my big brothers are infamously bad at.

It makes me feel strangely included and I love that he trusted me with the fact that they went to our sister's grave for his – no, for their birthday.

He studies me as if trying to read my mind – that seems to be Sean's favorite thing to do when he is around me – and then gives me a small but genuine smile.

"Was it hard?" I ask quietly.

I can only imagine how horrible it must be to visit your twin sister's grave. Anyone's grave, really. I am lucky enough that I have so far not had to deal with losing people in my life. I have never been to a funeral, either, and I am in no hurry to change that anytime soon.

"No, not at all. It has always a strangely calming effect on me, to be honest," Sean reveals.

Always?

"Always?" I ask out loud.

"I try to visit her grave once a year, usually on or around our birthday. It has sort of become a bit of a tradition, ever since I started doing it regularly."

"What do you mean?"

"In the beginning, after we moved here, it was not possible for me to visit her every year."

"Why not?"

Surely, if it means so much to him, Alex wouldn't have forbidden Sean from going, even when he was still underage and needed Alex's permission and probably someone to go with him. I cannot for the life of me imagine that our oldest brother would be so cruel. That's not the kind of person he is.