Teeth (READ DISCLAIMER)

Chapter 15: You're looking at me like you don't know who I am

Natasha stumbled to the kitchen, praying that FRIDAY wouldn't turn the lights on for her. Her head was spinning and she felt violently sick from the torturous nightmares that plagued her sleep. She opened the cabinet where she knew Tony kept the expensive liquor and grabbed a bottle of vodka. She walked towards the balcony doors, slightly unsteady on her feet, and breathed in the bitter air as it hit her face.

Staring out into the empty darkness that covered the compound she heard the first rumblings of thunder in the distance. She thought it ironic that her inner turmoil was reflected in the weather. She took deep breaths to centre herself and took a large swig of bottle in her hand, careful not to drop it over the edge of the railings she leant against.

Natasha's nightmares had been consistent for weeks now; she couldn't remember the last time she had managed more than 2 hours sleep a night and it was taking its toll on her already fragile mental state. She could remember, actually, if she thought very hard, that the last decent night's sleep she had gotten was when Wanda had soothed her with her chaos magic.

Wanda. It all came back to Wanda. While Natasha's nightmares were filled with blood and gore, her conscious thoughts were filled with images of the young Sokovian. Natasha and Wanda had kept their distance since the later had broken into her room when she was having a nightmare. Natasha felt copious amounts of shame when she looked into Wanda's searching blue eyes and it was enough to make her feel ill.

She watched in awe as lightening split open the pitch black sky, illuminating the land before her. The rain began to fall and she was grateful that she could feel the droplets hit her skin; grateful that she was still partly human.

She took another swig from the bottle and allowed the degrading, damaging thoughts to enter her brain. She unlocked the box in the corner of her mind and watched her life play out before her. She was always doomed. She never stood a chance.

The rain masked the tears that fell freely down her cheeks and the alcohol kept the cold away. Natasha didn't even notice that her loose t-shirt was soaked through and clung to her icy skin.
The thunder roared and the lightning continued to light up the sky as the rain fell heavier. The dramatics of the sky competing with Natasha's raging mind.

Natasha began to sob then, freely, allowing herself to mourn. Usually, when she was in these sombre moods she would mourn for the dead and tonight was no different. But tonight, she mourned for the life she could have had with Wanda too. She would remind herself, later on, that she didn't even want a life with Wanda, but another Natasha with a different story would have.

She wiped her eyes and took a steady breath, closing herself back off with more difficulty that usual.

"Natasha? What are you doing?" Wanda's raised voice barely carried through the storm but Natasha's trained ears heard her clearly.

Natasha didn't turn around.

"Leave me"

"Natasha, you're going to freeze to death! Come inside!" Wanda demanded firmly.

"Leave me" Natasha repeated, her voice low and dangerous.

Wanda stepped out into the rain then, her long dark hair plastered to her head as water hammered down on her.

Wanda reached out and grasped Natasha's arm gently, just above the deep, raw sore that circled her wrist.

Natasha yanked her arm from Wanda's grasp harshly and turned to face her for the first time.

"Back the fuck off Maximoff" she growled.

Natasha couldn't allow Wanda to see her like this; so vulnerable, so damaged, so remorseful.