Love You In My Mind // Sirius Black

Chapter 63

I kept pondering about it for days after that.
Was it the right decision to give Regulus Black another chance?
I felt horrible, fearing that this would have terrible consequences.

But on the other side, I wanted to be there for Sirius. I'd promised that I'd support him, so I was doing that.

Luckily, we never saw Regulus on the map again, and I noticed how Sirius always let out a little sigh of relief when he saw the list of suspects after each order mission.

As long as he was fine, I was happy.

The week after that one meeting was pretty uneventful.
Marlene, Sirius, Peter and me had painted the walls of my new apartment all shades of white, green, blue and turquoise, and I'd finally decorated everything and moved in completely.

And whenever I felt sad, Asklepius would somehow notice and flap onto my lap. He was just wonderful, really.

Now, near the end of November, only one thing really kept bothering me (Lina, but I was used to it), and I found myself enjoying the many little things I had, instead of mourning things I didn't have.

I had a job/apprenticeship I really liked, I had a best friend and I had great friends in Remus, Sirius, Peter, James and even Lily, a little. To top all of that, I had a beautiful own apartment in a nice and quiet suburb, and I found a great companion in Asklepius.

So one morning that I stood in front of the mirror, about to do my morning routine, I hesitated.

I had just performed one of my charms to give me two nice French braids and moved on to performing the usual cheering charm, when I stopped myself.

It had become a real routine to perform a cheering charm shortly after getting out of bed, but when I looked at me, looking healthy and with shining eyes... I had the sudden ambition to get through the day without my cheering charm.

I hadn't spent a single day without it, ever since I'd rediscovered the charm for me (except for the day of the concert, where I'd forgotten), so I often didn't even realise that I was under the effects. I was just too used to it.
I'd been scared that the weight of my grief would crush me if I stopped performing the charm every day.

But that morning, and I don't even know why, I felt so hopeful that I wanted to give it a go.

So I dropped my wand.

I paid no attention to the familiar numb ache in my chest and belly area, and moved to the kitchen to have breakfast.

I could do this, I kept repeating in my mind while chewing on my toast. I wanted to do it. I wanted my recovery after all, and this was just another step on the way.

I was writing my own story.

And, who would've guessed? The pain didn't disappear, but I got distracted from it as soon as I joined Marlene in the Ministry and started cracking jokes with her.

"I am so looking forward to joining some Aurors on their missions," Marlene said excitedly when we entered our class room.

"Me too, but I'm a little nervous," I admitted. Last week, Moody had announced that we'd enter a new chapter of our training, which included going on a few missions alongside the usual classes.

And while I was excited to start doing that, I was nervous to mess up.

"Oh, don't be, Frey," Marlene tried to reassure me. She lowered her voice. "We've basically done that stuff on the order missions already, so we're fine."

Maybe it was the missing effect of the cheering charm, but that didn't help me at all. "I've nearly gotten you killed once! Besides, we spy more than we attack. As Aurors, we'll attack and arrest, so the probability that something goes wrong is so much higher!"