Studio 22

Chapter 16:

Beca:

When I came home, I went to my room straight away. I immediately noticed someone had moved my grandpa's pocket watch I wanted to fix for my mom. I inspected it, only to find it was working. I noticed the envelope with Chloe's handwriting on it. I looked around the room and noticed Chloe's belongings were gone. Hectically, I opened the envelope, my eyes quickly scanning her words.

Dear Beca,

You're hurt and I get it.... Don't want to see me or talk to me... You made me truly happy... That's why I'm going to leave. Give you the space you need.. I hope you'll be able to forgive me.

Chloe.

"Aaaaargh!" I let out a scream of anger and frustration. I took the pocket watch and the letter and plopped down on my bed, tears rising in my eyes, heavy drops falling onto the watch. Moments later my mother knocked on the slightly opened door and came in. She sat down onto the bed next to me and looked at the pocket watch in my hands.

"Is that..?"

"Yes." I answered.

"I haven't seen this thing working in years. When did you get it fixed?", my mom said while looking at me, her arm around my back.

"I didn't...Chloe.. she.."

My mom gently rubbed my back, "She loves you."

"No, she doesn't, Mom." I retorted sadly. How could my mom say something like that? She knew I had caught Chloe with Tom.

"Yes, she does little bean. I saw it in her eyes. The way she looks at you- she loves you." My mom repeated calmly.

"Then why did I catch her with this stupid asshole? Why would she do this to me if she loves me?!" I questioned angrily.

"Sometimes you can't explain these things, little bean. We can love someone and still do the stupidest things- still do the thing that hurts them the most. Feelings are messy, arbitrary, and hard to control. It's up to you to decide whether you believe her she's sorry or not." My mom kissed the top of my head and left.

I got lost in my thoughts and feelings, thinking about Chloe. I could only think about her. Her beautiful smile and the way her nose would crinkle. Her eyes and how they started glowing when she was happy. The way she would stumble upon her words when she was excited to talk about something. However, every time I thought about these things, I also had to think about her hands on Tom's penis. His hands on her breasts.

~

I flew home the next day. I needed to distract myself with some work. Once home, I got my laptop out and started playing around with some music. After an hour of being totally blocked, only thinking about Chloe, I decided to call Jesse.

"Hello?" I heard from the other end.

"Hey, Jesse. It's me, Beca."

"Beca... How are you?"

"Can you come over?" I asked with a trembling voice. A huge lump had formed in my throat.

"Becs, I don't know if-"

"Please, Jesse. I need someone to talk to." I begged while a tear escaped my eye.

"Okay. I'll be there in thirty minutes.", he sighed.

Thirty minutes later I opened the door for him, tears still running down my face. He didn't say anything, and we sat down on the sofa. I told him everything. How Chloe and I had gotten into a relationship, how I had caught her with Tom a few weeks later and about my doubts if being with her was still what I wanted. Once I was done explaining, tears still running down my face, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to him. We sat on the sofa like this for a while. My head placed on his chest; my eyes closed. I listened to his heartbeat and took in his familiar scent. I looked up at him and he glanced down at me. His eyes shifted from my eyes to my lips and back up again. He leaned down slowly. Just before his lips were about to meet mine, I stopped him.

"Jesse," I softly said. "I appreciate you coming here, but I'm with Chloe."

"And there's your answer, peanut.", he softly smiled at me. We sat up and I looked at him in shock. He was right. I had my answer. I still wanted Chloe.

"Thanks, Jesse."

"For you always, Beca. You'll forever be part of my life. Maybe we can be friends again at some point." He kissed my forehead and got up from the sofa. I escorted him to the front door and opened it.

"I would like that. Being friends, I mean." I told him. He smiled at me and left.

Once he was gone, I was headed to Studio 22. They had to be rehearsing right now and I had to talk to Chloe. I entered the club, my eyes immediately searching for her, but I couldn't find her.

"Beca, you're back." Jo greeted me, walking in my direction.

"Where's Chloe?"

"I wanted to talk to you about that. She handed in her resignation yesterday."

"What?!"

"Yes. She came in yesterday and handed it in. She told me she couldn't do it anymore." Jo shrugged.

"I have to find her..." I whispered to myself. "Jo, can you manage one more night alone? I have something important to do."

"Sure." Jo said, clearly confused, but I didn't care.

I turned on my heel and left to find Chloe. I drove to her apartment and just when I had parked the car, I saw her leaving through the front door. I got out and hurried to get to her.

"Chloe!" I called out her name. "Chloe, wait!" I ran after her. She stopped and turned around.

"Beca? I thought you weren't coming back until Monday..." Her tone was a confusing mix of emotions.

"I decided to come back earlier." I shrugged. "We have to talk."

"Now you want to talk?! I told you I'm sorry. I even flew across the fucking country just to talk to you! You were the one who told me to leave because you couldn't do this and now you suddenly can?", she asked angrily.

"I know and I'm sorry. Can we please talk somewhere private? Please, Chlo." I begged her.

She heaved a sigh and gave in, "Okay."

Chloe searched for her keys in her pocket and opened the door. We went inside and sat down at her dining table. Chloe just looked at me, waiting for me to say something.

"Chloe, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you to leave. I was so hurt... I thought not talking to you would help me forget it, but it didn't. Stupid, I know. When you were gone, the only thought on my mind was you. When you said that you had heard me that night, talking about how I just wanted to kiss you, I felt caught. I didn't want to admit I wanted to be with you because I shouldn't. I shouldn't want to be with you after this, I shouldn't trust you after this... But you know what? I still do. I even called Jesse..."

Chloe's eyes darkened when I mentioned Jesse. I couldn't blame her.

"I called him to talk to someone. I called him to get back at you, but I couldn't do it. He tried to kiss me and you know what I did? I said to him: I am with Chloe."

Chloe interrupted me, "You told him you are with me?"

"Yes. I still want this relationship, Chloe! I'm sorry for being such an asshole. I'm sorry for sending you away. I should've been honest with you and I especially should've been honest with myself. Do you think you can forgive me?" I was scared she didn't want to be with me anymore after I had treated her like I did. I nervously picked at the skin of my fingers.

"You're asking me for forgiveness?", she questioned. Tears were rising in her eyes. "I should be the one to ask for your forgiveness! I should be the one to say sorry! What I did was unforgivable..."

Chloe buried her face in her hands. I reached out and removed her hands from her face. "I already forgave you. I did it the second I saw you standing on my mother's porch. I just wanted to pull you in, but I was too proud to admit that my feelings for you were already this strong... I'd forgive you anything in a heartbeat and I was angry at myself for feeling this way."

I got up from my chair, took a few steps over to Chloe and leaned down. My hand caressed her cheek while I was gazing into her gorgeous blue eyes. I pulled her in for a gentle kiss. I had missed the feeling of her soft lips on mine so much. I had missed her so much.