separated by the stars

3

⪦⁝⋌⋄◌⋄⋋⁝⪧

To be fair, supper wasn't nearly as suffocating as I expected it to be.

Mother didn't pay much attention to my outfit as she was more intent on fussing over Sana's appearance. Sana didn't mind, in fact, I believe she was basking in all the attention. However, when I suggested that possibility, she was prompt to chuck a shoe my way and I was the first in our party to be escorted to the supper table.

On a normal occasion, perhaps I wouldn't have minded, but as it so happens Bangchan was also an early arrival. I could tell he was trying to be friendly and wanted to speak to me like we used to, but it was painfully dreadful for me to try to keep up the appearance of who I was supposed to be.

I never liked to hide who I was, and though I may be seen as cold, I was always truthful and honest. But talking to him now nearly felt suffocating, trying to hide the main truth to my heart that made up a majority of who I am.

When the others arrived, I gladly moved away from him, missing the forlorn look that passed his face and indulging in a safe spot a considerable distance away from him and my feelings.

The meal started pleasantly, after all, there are no secrets between friends and that was what our family was. Being such a long time apart, we recounted old memories, past sayings, and mistakes. It was prudent for our mothers to bring to mind the moment Bangchan and I first met. Whereas my embarrassment was clear and dreadfully obvious, Bangchan's and Sana's glee at the story only added fuel to the fire.

It was comfortable and normal and reminded me of something I thought would be forgotten forever. I almost didn't notice the pain in my chest when I glanced Bangchan's and Sana's way. 

They were seated together, a clear attempt to reconcile some attraction between the two. I can't say it was a failed attempt, after all, they looked good together. There was no awkwardness, and they fed off each other's conversation almost as though it was as easy as breathing. With the smile Sana continuously sent his way, I could tell that any doubt she had before was disappearing.

It should have been a happy thought but it lingered with me for the majority of the night.

In any case, you could say the evening was a splendid success.

However, when the discussion turned to the topic of my father, I couldn't stand it.

As soon as Bangchan's mother brought up his name, my blood went cold. My mother stiffened beside me and Sana nearly dropped her fork. Perhaps she meant well, but I wouldn't know considering the way everything else faded to an annoying blurry roar. I was faintly aware of Bangchan trying to request his mother to be more considerate, but I was already standing from my seat.

I could feel all eyes on me, and my mother's hand enclosing around my wrist. A clear sign for me to stay, but she and I both knew I couldn't. I had to escape, the way I always do. The way I have always done when I am too afraid to face something on my own.

I mumbled a pathetic excuse and left the table.

The room that was once bright and warm now dark and cold.

Now I sit in a secluded area of the royal gardens. Absent-mindedly, I play with a leaf from a nearby bush, the veins that give it life fascinating me in my numb wonder. Honestly, I don't know why I came here of all places. It reminds me of him so much to a point where I can almost swear I hear his voice in the faint breeze.

"It's nice to know you remembered."

At the leap my heart does within my carefully locked cage, I know that it's him. I turn to him, almost reluctantly and he smiles, those dimples appearing so faithfully in his smooth cheeks.