separated by the stars

4

⪦⁝⋌⋄◌⋄⋋⁝⪧

Those words stay with me over the course of the next few days.

Between wedding preparations and the advisory meetings, I didn't see much of Bangchan. It's almost as though that night between us never happened. I suppose I should wish that it stayed like this, but I can't help but want him to look my way if only to explain what he meant.

I was still afraid of losing you.

I know what I wish he means, I know what I want him to mean, but I don't know his intentions or if there even are any. I suppose it doesn't matter much anyway. Every time I do catch a glimpse of him I find myself avoiding him once again. 

I promised I would get better at this and force myself to turn things back to the way they were. But no matter how hard I try, I can't bring myself to do that.

All I have to do is forget I ever felt this way, so then why am I so afraid of doing just that?

However, while I am battling inexplainable emotions, the bride and groom are being offered ample amounts of time to get to know each other and grow closer to each other. It's what the advisors call an attempt of courtship before their wedding and an appeal to the public that this is entirely their decision. 

We can't have people gossiping that their King and Queen aren't compatible, after all.

I know they mean well, but it's rather a futile effort. Besides being childhood friends, Sana and Chan have always been seen as compatible. 

She is flawless and graceful and he is kind and just. He will take care of her, and she will nourish him and his needs. They feed off of the other as though they were made for the other, truly a match made in heaven. A fact which the servants granted themselves the power to spread across the entire kingdom.

As for me, I can't help but feel a bit lonely in their absence. There isn't much to do in a castle you are unfamiliar with, but that becomes nearly impossible when your only two friends are off prancing through fields are daffodils and daisies.

And yes, that is exactly their objective for today, with a sickening detailed schedule reciting from Sana as my evidence.

That doesn't mean that I've stopped all of my daily activities, however.

I thought it interesting to help out with the servants daily chores, but quickly grew tired. They are nice enough, and I enjoy listening in to their gossiping, but one can only stand so much of "she said he said" before they want to tear out their ears if only to get them to shut up. 

I've strolled through the gardens so often that by now I can recognize every leaf on every tree branch by memory. The gardener and I have become close acquaintances and I've helped him quite a few times with his duties but after a week of this, I found I was growing tired of foddering the same dirt each day. 

I've helped the cooks with their daily preparations for our food, even gifted my mother with a delicately appraised tart. However, the moment I set a major main course ablaze, the cooks kicked me out and denied me clearance.

But there is always one place where I am sure to find compensation for my loneliness, and that is the royal library. I come here so often that the head librarian has gifted me with the keys to the place, and told me I might as well take his job. 

Cyrus Aiken has been a dear friend of mine ever since I came by all those years ago. He is a kind old man, who speaks more through his actions than his words. When I was younger, he seemed to be the only other person who understood me and made this place feel like a second home. Once he told me that the world is full of so many words and explanations that he prefers to save his words for when they matter.