so bad guys can't see me bleed

•tape two•

"Hey there, Dopinder," I say, hopping in the back of the taxi with my suit and mask on and a bag in my lap.

"Hello," he says joyfully, driving away from the apartment complex. "Where to, Ms. Wilson?"

I climb into the front of the taxi and sit down in the passenger seat. "Gotta go to Gran's place first. Then Fuck Tower."

"Fuck Tower?" he asks, turning right to go to Al's place.

"Avengers."

"Ah, you're gonna be an Avenger? That would be very cool!" he says to me, raising his brows as I take off my mask and shake my head.

"You crazy, D?" I ask. "That's like asking me if a nun is going to hump another nun's leg."

"O-o-okay."

"Like, a nun isn't going to hump someone, are they? I've met nuns. Some of them are very sweet, but others act like that crazy psycho nun from that one movie."

"Oh, yeah," Dopinder says, nodding slowly even though he has no idea what I'm talking about.

We drive in silence for a little while, only the quiet music on the radio playing in the background. We come to a stop outside Gran Al's place, so I grab the bag of weed and get out of the car.

I knock on the door and wait for her to answer it. I hear her cane tapping on the other side of the door, then her hands searching for the locks. Then the door swings open. "Who's there?" she asks.

"It's me, Gran," I say, giving her the weed. "I gotta go to Fuck Tower, but I'll see you later, okay?" I say, kissing her cheek. "Love you, Gran, don't get too high."

"Yeah, yeah," she says, closing the door as I get back in the car. Dopinder starts driving again. We drive through roads and shortcuts until we get to the tower.

I sigh and lean my head back against the headrest of the seat. "This is fucked shit," I mutter, taking in deep breath before putting on my mask. I check for my guns. "Gun one, check. Gun two, check. Guns three, four, and five, check. Swords one and two, double check. All right, D, we are good to go. I am about to get myself thrown out of this damn building. Thank you for the ride."

"Do I get a high five?" he asks.

"Of course you get a high five," I say, giving him five before saluting him and getting out of the car. I walk up to the tower.

This is where everything goes downhill.

Welcome to this shitshow.

—

"No, okay, why the hell am I here?" I ask, interrupting Fury as he drones on about whatever it is that he is talking about.

I'm sitting upside down on one of the sofas, thankful that the blood isn't rushing to my head. Tony Stark is standing next to a pillar with a glass of whiskey in his hand and his arms crossed over his chest. Bruce Banner is sitting near Natasha Romanoff. Thor is sitting in a side chair, holding onto the handle of his hammer. Steve Rogers is sitting on the other side of the sofa that I'm on, looking at me weirdly. Clint Barton gives me an odd look, then shares a glance with Romanoff. Fury glares at me and stops his pacing.

"What?" I ask. "I was stalked by Mr. Fury here. So I want to know why I was kidnapped."

"You willingly came here," Fury says to me.

"Shush, that's not the point," I say. "Why am I here? Because it's obviously not to bake cakes. Have you seen my baking skills? They suck ass."

"Okay, who invited the annoying, talks too much, teenager?" Clint asks.

"I'm twenty, asshole," I retort.

"And you still live with your parents?" Thor asks, raising his brows.

"Aren't you, like, a thousand years old?" I ask him, glaring even though he can't see it through my mask.

"Well, she doesn't live with them anymore," Tony puts in.

"What?" I ask.

"You'll live here now," Tony says. "If Fury decides to keep going with his plan, then you'll live in the living quarters with everyone else. Easy peasy. By the way, take off the damn mask, Cherry Bomb. Everyone here knows your name."

I roll my eyes and take off my mask, putting it next to me on the sofa. "Wow," Fury says in monotone. "I knew you looked like your mother."

"Fuck off," I mumble.

"Hey, since when do we recruit villains?" Steve suddenly asks. "I mean, me and Nat just wanted a little bit of help. So why did you get Deadpool's daughter?"

"I'm not a villain," I say. "But I'm not a hero either. There's this little space in between the two, Rogers. It's called an anti-hero. That's me. Ever heard of Dexter Morgan?"

"Okay, anti-hero," Natasha says, "why the red suit?"

"So the bad guys can't see me bleed."

"When did this turn into twenty questions?" Tony asks, shaking his head. "Fury, keep talking."

Fury clears his throat. "As I was saying, Natasha and Steve and Cher will fly to the Indian Ocean. You take out the bad guys. It's not that complicated. Just make sure they can't see you bleed."

"Okay, does this mean I'm an Avenger now?" I ask. "Because, no matter how much that sounds stupid, that would be pretty fucking cool. Oh my God, am I being accepted by the studio? Dad's gonna be so jealous."

"You're not an Avenger yet," Steve says. "And we don't completely trust you. But Fury does, that means we have to."

"Oh, I don't trust her," Fury says. "I trust her ambition."

"Good enough for me," I say with a shrug.

—

A/n: i love dopinder way too much he's the best okay love you <3