so bad guys can't see me bleed

•tape thirty•

"I didn't take you for reading People magazines," Thor says, sitting down across from me while I have my feet up on the coffee table.

I move my fingers, dropping the People magazine to show the Playboy magazine that I'm actually looking at.

"Ah, makes more sense," he says, nodding. "I didn't think you went both ways."

"I play for both teams," I tell him. "Swings aren't fun if you don't go back and forth. Well, that kind of came out wrong, but you get the idea."

—

"All right, Clint," Bruce says, flicking switches as Clint stands on the platform. "We're going in three, two, one." A moment later, Clint falls down into the machine.

"Cher, put the Playboy magazine down," Cap says to me.

"God, you are such a mom."

"No, I'm not."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night."

"Lila!" Clint yells, then grunts as he comes back onto the platform. He starts panting while the others run up the platform to get to him. Nat reassures him and gets him back up on his feet. "It worked," he says, tossing a glove to Tony.

"Cherry Bomb, put the naked woman magazine away and get ready to suit up," Tony says.

—

"Okay, so the how works," Cap starts as the screens in front of us show the different Infinity Stones. "Now, we gotta figure out the when and the where. Almost everyone in this room has had an encounter with at least one of the six Infinity Stones."

"Or substitute the word 'encounter' for 'damn near been killed by one of the six Infinity Stones,'" Tony says.

"Well, I haven't," Scott says, "but I don't even know what the hell you're all talking about."

"Regardless," Bruce says, "we only have enough Pym Particles for one round-trip each. And these stones have been in a lot of different places throughout history."

"Our history," Tony corrects. "So, not a lot of convenient spots to just drop in, yeah?"

"Which means we have to pick our targets," Clint says.

"Correct," Tony says.

"So, let's start with the Aether," Cap says. "Thor, what do you know?"

We all turn to him to see him sitting in a chair, snoring. "Is he asleep?" Nat asks.

"No, no," Rhodey says. "I'm pretty sure he's dead."

"Can I throw something at him?" I ask.

"Go ahead," Tony says.

I grab something from the table and throw it at Thor. It hits him in the head, but he doesn't move.

"See?" Rhodey says.

—

"Uh, where to start?" Thor says, looking at the Aether on the screen. "Um, the Aether, firstly, is not a stone. Someone called it a stone before." He points at Cap, who furrows his brows. "Um, it's more of an angry sludge sort of thing, so someone's gonna need to amend that and stop saying that." He lifts his head back and puts in an eyedrop.

"What the fuck," I whisper to Nat. She shrugs and shakes her head.

"Here's an interesting story, though, about the Aether," Thor says. "My grandfather, many years ago, had to hide the stone from the Dark Elves. Ooh," he chuckles, "scary beings."

"Thor, we don't care," I say, putting my feet up on the table.

He puts his hand out to me. "I'm getting there, hold on," he says, turning back to the screen. "So, uh, Jane, actually," he touches the screen and shows a picture of a girl, "oh, there she is. Yeah, so Jane was an old flame of mine. You know, she—she stuck her hand inside a rock this one time and—and then the Aether stuck itself inside her, and she became very, very sick. And so I had to take her to Asgard, which is where I'm from."

"Really? Hadn't noticed," I mutter.

"And, uh, we had to try and fix her," Thor continues. "We were dating at the time, you see. And I got to introduce her to my mother." He sighs and starts to tear up. "Who's dead and, uh...Oh, you know, Jane and I aren't even dating, so...Yes, these things happen. Nothing lasts forever. The only thing that—"

"Why don't you come sit down?" Tony asks, grabbing his arm.

"I'm not done yet," Thor says, turning back to us. "The only thing that is permanent in life is impermanence." He laughs.

Tony claps. "Awesome. Eggs? Breakfast?"

"No, no. I'd like a Bloody Mary."

—

"Quill said he stole the Power Stone from Morag," Rocket explains.

"Is that a person?" Bruce asks, shoving a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth.

"No, Morag's a planet," Rocket says like Bruce is an idiot. "Quill was a person."

"Like a planet?" Scott asks. "Like in outer space?"

I roll my eyes and spin the noodles of my take out on my chopsticks, shaking my head as I eat it.

"Aw, look," Rocket says, patting Scott's head. "It's like a little puppy, all happy and everything. Do you wanna go to space? You wanna go to space, puppy? I'll take you to space."

"Racoon," I say, getting his attention, "back to the point please."

"I can't tell if she's gotten nicer or meaner over the past five years," Tony says to Cap.

—

"Thanos found the Soul Stone on Vormir," Nebula explains.

"What is Vormir?" Nat asks.

I move my gun magazines around, loading them and counting how many I have for each gun.

"A dominion of death," Nebula says, "at the very center of celestial existence. It's where Thanos murdered my sister."

Everyone stops what they're doing. Steve sighs.

"Not it," Scott says.

—

"That Time Stone guy," Nat says, laying on the table. I'm on the ground with my hands over my face while I'm about to pass out.

"Doctor Strange," Bruce says.

"Yeah, what kind of Doctor was he?" she asks.

"Ear-nose-throat meets rabbit-from-hat," Tony says.

"Nice place in the village though," Bruce says.

"Yeah, Sullivan Street?" Tony asks.

Bruce hums. "Um...Bleeker Street."

"Wait, he lived in New York?" Nat asks.

"No, he lived in Toronto," Tony says.

"No, Bleeker and Sullivan Street," Bruce says.

"Have you been listening to anything?" Tony asks.

"He's kind of an asshole," I say.

"So are you," Tony says.

"Guys," Nat says. "If you pick the right year, there are three stones in New York."

Bruce sits up. "Shut the front door."

—

"All right, we have a plan," Cap says. In front of us, the device on the table shows that the Mind Stone, Time Stone, and Space Stone are in New York; the Reality Stone is on Asgard; and the Power Stone and Soul Stones are on Morag and Vormir.

Cap walks to the table. "Six stones, three teams, one shot."