Hearts Between The Pages (Heartwreck #1)

Chapter 30

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I told him I want a divorce, he told me he didn't. I remember him saying in between the painful cracks of his voice, "You know I always give you what you want, Liv. You know that... but not this. I'm so sorry, baby. I can't give you this."

And because I was in too much pain, too drowning with my insecurities, too hurting for him for missing the opportunity to find a woman who could give her what he could call a family, there's nothing he could stay that would convince me to not push the divorce through.

And out of desperation he came up with a bargain.

"Three months." I remember him saying. "I'll give you three months to take a break from me and after those three months, when you realize that you don't really want to be with me then no matter how much it would kill me, I'll set you free."

That's why I'm here at my parents' house for a week now. Archean was the one who dropped me off here and I remember how tight the hug he gave me inside the car, because he knew that he wouldn't be able to see me for three months or worse... never.

But that doesn't mean that I don't want him in my life. In fact he's all I see. I just can't bear the pain of hurting him over and over again.

"We have sprinkler for that," I stopped from watering my Papa's plants using the host when I heard my mother's voice. Both Archean and my father are into taking care of plants, there were even some times where they would both leave and visit a garden shop to buy some plants that they could add to their collections.

Even my mother loves him so much. Despite the fact at how drastic our decision to get married, he got my parents' trust and love overtime. I always knew he would.

"I'm just bored," I tell my mother, turning the hose off and then I let it fall on the ground. I wipe my already dry palms on the back of my shorts before sitting on the table where my mother usually take her coffee.

We were sitting across from each other. She got a cup of hot coffee for herself and cup of hot milk for me.

"Thanks, Ma," I smile warmly at her.

She just smiles before taking a sip of her coffee. We were silent for a moment until I break it by asking, "Have you ever thought of divorcing Papa?"

She stops from putting the rim of her cup into her mouth. She slowly sets it down back to the small plate before looking at me with a gentle smile. "Annulling, you mean?" she arches a brow.

I just nod. "Well, I'll be honest with you... there are a lot of times that I thought of walking away from him, especially when the situation gets rough and my insecure will begin to hit me all at once, but your Papa just knows how to pacify me and calm the raging insecurities that I have deep within... and then I would feel guilty for wanting to walk away from him... but that's part of marriage. You face challenges that at some point, you both wouldn't survive, but at the end of the day, God will always find a way walk you both through those challenges, to make you both survive even if you thought you wouldn't."

Saglit akong natahimik. Letting my mother's word sink it.

"But what if staying with my husband would just make me feel guilty even more?"

Now she was the one who's silent for a moment as if she was thinking. "Then try to weigh things a little more. Observe yourself. Ask God for clarification. And after all those process and you still want to walk away then you can do it... because a marriage shouldn't fill you with guilt. Marriage should feel like home."

I smile, bitterly. "It does... my husband would be forever my home, Ma. But I just don't want to be unfair to him. I just know that if I choose to stay, I will just keep on hurting him over and over again until the day comes where he would get tired and eventually, he would want to walk away from me, too. Kaya habang maaga pa, habang pwedeng-pwede pa siyang makahanap ng ibang babaeng magpapasaya sa kanya, palalayain ko na siya."