JJ MAYBANK IMAGINES

high enough

imagine if jj finds you smoking weed for the first time and he asks you why.

warning: mentions of weed/drugs/swearing

K.Flay - High Enough
the world is a curse it'll kill if you let it
i know they got pills
that can help you forget it
they bottle it, call it medicine
but i don't need drugs
cause i'm already high enough

You have never been the loud type of girl. Whenever the Pogues were at a boneyard party, you would sit by yourself without getting intoxicated. But unfortunately for you, that makes you feel like an outcast. You had enough being portrayed as the quiet and innocent girl. So the only resource to that is; fitting in with everyone else.

You took a blunt full of weed from jj's storage and was currently sitting on the docks by yourself. It took a while, but you eventually figured out how to roll it properly and light it. After you finally got it right, you began smoking it. You inhaled the drug and exhaled after a long enough breath.

Immediately after tasting the scent of the weed, you began coughing your lungs out. It felt like your breath was slowly leaving your body. But after a few more hits, you felt like you were on cloud nine.

You didn't know why, but the view of seeing the smoke in front of your eyes felt like euphoria. Like the best feeling you had felt in a long time. It made you feel like you were right at the top of the hierarchy of the pogues. Like the leader; like you finally fit in with everybody else.

"Never thought I would ever see this but I'm not gonna lie, I love it," You heard a familiar voice behind you. The blonde pogue that always seemed to bring up your mood. JJ Maybank sat down next to you with his own blunt in hand. You looked beside yourself to see him reaching into his pocket to get his silver lighter.

"Yeah well, maybe some things change," Yesterday you would not have spoken to JJ in that tone, but you wanted to play a cool act. You wanted to be displayed as less innocent, like you'd be more fun to hang around with. And maybe even be less alone.

"What do you mean by that?" JJ was generally concerned about why his best friend was acting this way. Yesterday you were smiling and declining JJ's offer for a blunt, but here you are, smoking the same type of drug as him.

"I mean that I've changed, I'm a new woman," You flicked your hair behind your shoulder. For a second, you couldn't even recognise yourself. But if JJ found out what you were hiding behind the act, you would never forgive yourself for breaking your guard. You wanted to change, and you wanted to change fast.

"Huh..." JJ tapped his finger on his chin in thought before bringing the blunt up to his lips and taking a hit. You mirrored his actions at the same time, smoke linking into one another's. JJ wouldn't lie, you did look badass smoking, but he also missed your innocent side.

He loved it when you would frown when he did something rebellious, or when you would tell him to stop smoking or even when you would never dare to let a swear word leave your lips.

"Okay Y/n, but why-" He began speaking when you cut him off, but not without exhaling another breath of drug mist before.

"JJ! get out of my fucking throat, okay? Why can't you just accept that my so called 'innocent' personality isn't here anymore! Maybe the old Y/n was unhappy, or felt alone or like an outsider? And guess what JJ, you didn't even fucking notice and that hurt, okay! My best friend didn't realise how unhappy I was!" You let out a long breath that you were holding whilst voicing your depressing monologue.

This left JJ with his eyes widened and his eyebrows raised. He was shocked, speechless and JJ Maybank was never speechless. His mouth was kept open agape, his lips written in an 'o' shape as he pulled on a piece of blonde hair. It was a sign of nervousness and anxiety.

You almost felt bad for shouting at him, but slowly remembered the act that you were supposed to keep portraying. You slouched back onto the piece of wood that was acting as your back rest.

"I didn't realise you felt that way," JJ sighed. You knew he felt slightly guilty as to why you weren't happy but it was never your intention for that to occur.

"Yeah well, I did." On purpose, you left emphasis on the last word. Without knowing, since you were looking far ahead at the marsh, JJ was staring at you with sad eyes. He loved the old you, when you were so innocent. And now he feels like that you were slowly drifting away from him.

"I'm sorry," He admitted before sighing; JJ lowered his head in utter guilt. You looked in JJ's direction with the same facial expression as him. The act that you were confidently keeping up wasn't lasting very long anymore. And you knew it.
"I'm gonna be completely honest with you Y/n, the old you might've been a hard time for you, but for everyone else, it was the best time. you were innocent and sweet and loads of fun to hang with. I mis- we miss you," Everything you were saying about yourself was gone out of your mind but the last part was flooding your mind.

You didn't realise it, but a single tear dropped down your cheek as JJ spoke his words. The act was completely gone and you felt a wave of relief wash away out of your body, like a weight had been lifted off of your shoulders.

JJ looked away from the sea to the broken person next to him. He saw the whimpers that was beckoning to escape your lips. He could tell you wanted to have a cry, sob and break down right there and then. He sighed before shifting closer to you, wrapping his arms around your figure and rubbing your shoulders in a comforting matter. You were grateful for the gesture since you held onto his hand that was touching your weighted off shoulder.

"I just felt like no one liked me and I wanted to put on an act so someone would love me," JJ shook his head at your words. He gazed down at your face and wiped another tear that escaped your pools.

"I love you Y/n, I'll always love you no matter what," Your face morphed into an emotionless expression. Like your feelings completely escaped your face. You looked up at JJ with a new questionable look but he just nodded as a reply.

"I love you, too. I'll promise to go back to the old me," You nodded to comfort yourself, but you truly new the old you was coming back. You smiled at his words before gripping onto him tighter.

You cuddled each other for the rest of the night, reassuring one another with the words you always wanted to hear. And you finally felt wanted, and not like an outcast.