SaiShi Tales

until I found you

Title from "Until I found you" by Stephen Sanchez.
I recommend listening to it once since it's gonna be played in this chapter.
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My phone buzzed at the side table, I ignored it cause I really want to sleep right now. can the world shut up for some time? its probably the alarm though. but i'm gonna pretend I don't hear anything and continue my beauty sleep.

Only if that thing stopped ringing for a damn second. I annoyingly took my phone and checked the time... shit shit shit! it's 9 AM already!? today is diwali!! i quickly rose from my slumberland and looked at the other side of the bed. only to find crumpled sheets and a faint hint of his cologne. "where is he.. and why didn't he wake me up..?"

Thinking that he is in the kitchen making breakfast probably I yelled, "Saii!" and I was met with dead silence. I didn't like it. I absolutely didn't like it. I tried yelling again, "ketan! you there?!!" no response. he was supposed to be here today with me. as panic rushed to my veins I got up from the bed only to find a note on the side table.

"dear love,

i'm sorry for not being there today, remember i told you last week i would be working on diwali? you know how it is.. but pls my cute tazbu do not sulk, get ready and send me your pretty pictures.. i'll try to be back by 3.

ps: i didn't wake you up early at 5 AM cause i knew you were dead tired from the diwali party you went to last night.

double ps: i love you.

Yours,

Tutu."

Anger and disappointment surged through me. this stupid ass human. why am I in love with him again?? and when the hell did he tell me about working on diwali!? I ran my mind through our conversations last week and..

right. he did tell me on tuesday night after coming back from the set. but while holding a huge bucket of chocolate chip ice cream from baskin robbins!! i remember him asking "is that okay?" and me- with a single brain cell and a mouth already watering- just nodded so he could quickly give me the loml - i mean, the bucket. but why didn't I ask after eating the ice cream??

I mentally slapped myself for asking that question because I could feel my cheeks burning up as the events replayed in my head. he had to do stupidly sick in love things like licking off the ice cream from my lips, kissing me senseless and then fucking me into another dimension.

and oh so obviously, I forgot about what he said. I face palmed myself and crushed the note in my fist and threw it into the dustbin. I have to get ready and call my family up and also have to clean the house and then set up the pooja arrangements. I'm too pissed to think about him with a rational brain right now. he can work all day and night for all I care.

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Turns out, I do care. a lot. I sat on the dining table eating my lunch mindlessly cause my mind said overthinking first.

I hate all the thoughts running in my head right now but I couldn't help but wonder... is his work more important than me? i know he is a workaholic but some special days are not meant for work, right? i know how the itv industry works and how hectic it is especially on festivals..but couldn't he have asked for one leave? not like one day off will make the show fall apart. its stupid thinking all this when I know exactly that as actors, we cannot afford day-offs at our will.

But still, what should I do with this sinking feeling in my heart? I miss his presence, his dumb face, and dumber smile. diwali is special for me and always has been.. even more so since I met him. a tear escaped my eyes as my brain deliberately fished out all the memories of the last two diwali's i spent with him. really, brain?? now?? i'm convinced you hate me.