I Can't Wait | Min Yoongi

Seventeen

MYG POINT OF VIEW

I remember that day vividly - things were going so well. I had a hard time adjusting during the first few months of my trainee days but knowing that I had Heejin waiting for me, it sort of ease the pain. 

I considered quitting, many times. It wasn't just because of the long distance relationship.. things back home weren't going so well either. Having a weekend off is a rare thing for trainees so when the agency told us that we could go home, I immediately packed my bags to go see my mother but little did I know.. I received a video call from Heejin. I happily answered the call because for the past few weeks, both of us were swamped with things. I expected to be greeted by a very happy Heejin but she looked the opposite of it. In fact, she looked distraught. 

"Heejin, are you okay?", I asked her.

For a moment, she looked down, her expression somber. She slowly shook her head, then immediately wiped her tears. 

"Talk to me, tell me what'-"

She cut me off and said the most hurtful thing. Something I never thought that could come out of her mouth.

"We need to stop seeing each other"

That was it.

I continued to take another sip of my beer while reading through the last conversation that I had with Heejin. I was so annoyed when I found out that she was going out with Baekhyun again. 

The flow of my thoughts stopped when I heard knocks on my door. 

"I thought I told you that I am n-", I stopped.

It was Heejin.

For a moment, she simply gazed into my eyes and then she drew a deep breath - knowing the fact that I was lying to her about going out. Her face had shriveled, her upper lip had sunk in, and her eyes were dim. I wanted to say something, anything to break the silence but I was surprised to see her.

"Tell me the truth, do you still have feelings for me?", she bluntly asked - her eyes were already filled with tears by now.

I felt completely paralyzed when I heard her question. My throat felt dry and my knees were instantly weak. The silence coming from me was deafening. I was trying to find the right answer but she grew impatient with my long pause.

"If you don't, stop pulling this shit to me whenever someone shows a slight interest in me", she snapped.

Her disappointment brought tears in her eyes once again but she quickly wiped it away. It felt like dejavu. Her tone, the way she looked.. it reminded me of the day of our abrupt break up. It suddenly angered me.

"Why did you leave me? Why was our break up so sudden? Do you know the amount of chaos did you cause after you left?", I finally said what had been cooped up in my mind for the last eight years. 

She looked at me for a second before deciding to storm away. She took few steps away from me before turning on her heels to face me. I was puzzled with her reaction. I knew she was not expecting me to ask these questions now but it had been in my head and I needed to know. I needed to know why did she decide to drop me as if I never mattered to her.

"That happened a long time ago, Yoongi. Why are you so hung up on it? If you were so disturbed by it, why didn't you ask me since day one?", she asked.

I looked at her in disbelief - each word angered me further. 

"Easy for you to say that when you gave up on us. Was it because you think I'd never go this far? Was it because you were having a good time in Australia and I was the easiest thing to throw away?"

She turned her head so I would not see the tears that were stinging her eyes but I was going out of my mind.

"I gave up on you?", she exclaimed sharply.

By now, her eyes didn't look sad anymore. She was equally furious as me. 

"I received a very convincing call from your agency on why we shouldn't see each other because you were losing your mind over your parents' divorce. They thought you were going downhill and our long distance relationship wasn't helping, either. You were and still the hardest person for me to get over, Yoongi. You weren't the easiest thing for me to throw away. Our relationship was the easiest decision at that point and I don't regret it. Especially seeing who you've become today. You think I am not hurt seeing you sleep around other women? You think I didn't hear stories about you before we started talking again? I heard everything, Yoongs but I never said anything because I wanted and still want the best for you."

"Even if that means I can't be in your life and I would do it all over again", she added.