Loki's Daughter, Mortem and Mischief

Chapter Thirty-Nine

"You're still awake?" Sigyn asked with a raised brow. She sat at her vanity with her back turned to me, I could just barely see her gorgeous face from the reflection in her mirror. The past few nights I regrettably found myself fast asleep far before my wife ever made it to bed. I simply found myself too exhausted by the festivities and madness to keep my eyes open long enough to give Sigyn the attention she deserved.

Tonight though, was different. Though I wish I could say that I was being a doting husband, I was concerned more so about Hela. What she had said that day in the garden had stuck with me and I had been thinking all day of how to possibly help her. I wanted my daughter to be happy, and I just needed to help get her there.

"Can't sleep," I replied as I slipped out of bed and walked up behind Sigyn. She was busy braiding her hair, too busy in the intricate weaving to really pay any mind to me. I pulled a stool over from nearby, sitting down on it before I rested my chin on her shoulder.

"Why's that? You were up quite early this morning, surely you're tired," Sigyn questioned as she tied her hair off with a golden ribbon. Her golden hair was so bright it looked as though the ribbon wasn't even there at all-simply blending into her locks. In all the years without her by my side, I had never forgotten that golden hue.

"Hela has me worried," I answered with a sigh. She hummed in reply, telling me she completely understood. "She tells me she isn't happy...ever. And that she feels like she's going crazy. And here I am, nearly going insane myself trying to figure out how to fix it all for her," I added.

Sigyn looked at me for a moment, her deep brown eyes meeting mine. His brows were knit tightly together before she began to laugh lightly. "You can't fix it for her, Loki," she stated through her giggles. "Why do you think that?"

I sat back and crossed my arms. "Well, I'm her father. It's my job," I said stoically. I had thought that the answer was quite obvious but Sigyn shook her head.

"There's a lot of things that you can fix for Hela. If she...breaks her favorite dagger you may mend it for her. You can...help her through a heartbreak even. But you can't just go and fix the way she feels or...clean up her mistakes. That's not your responsibility. It's hers," she said, taking her hands in mine.

I furrowed my brows and looked at Sigyn quizzically. "But she's my responsibility. I need to be doing all that for her, how could I ever protect her if I didn't," I argued. What kind of father would I be if I didn't try and remedy her anxieties or patch up her mistakes? That's all I had ever wanted out of my own parents and yet Sigyn was telling me that I was going about it all wrong.

"Yes, darling. She is our responsibility. Even when we're old and grey, she'll always be our duaghter. But...you aren't protecting her when you try and fix her entire world. How will she ever learn to do things on her own? Learn the actions of her consequences or...even be emotionally self sufficient if you do all of that for her?" Sigyn countered. I chewed on my lip as I thought over what she said. I suppose Sigyn was right but it was a tough pill to swallow. I didn't feel right just leaving Hela to do that all on her own. I was fearful for what may happen if she were to fail or even give up. I wouldn't be able to bear the pain or anger that may cause her, I would simply want to swoop in and offer her solutions to it all.

As if Sigyn could read my mind, she tipped my chin up and said, "Failure isn't always a bad thing, dear. Sometimes, it can lead to a lot of good. It's not just bad."

"But it is," I insisted. "If you had never failed your conquest of Midgard, we would've never met," she argued, a smug smile growing upon her lips.

I shook my head. "That's different, it still was quite awful being stuck in that stupid little cell," I stated.

"Fine, do you really want me to go there? To tell you how failure can lead to good?" she asked, that smirk now taking up the full expanse of her lips. I was nearly dreading what she was going to say. "What...?" I asked cautiously.

"Well, if you hadn't failed to pull out we would've never even had Hela," Sigyn said with raised brows. My face flushed red in embarrassment. This was a new development in my story. The TVA certainly hadn't disclosed the manner in which Hela was conceived. I had always assumed that she was born within the confines of wedlock, that Sigyn was traditional in that sense. And quite frankly, I had never cared to ask. 

"Why are you blushing?" she scoffed as she pulled on her dressing robe. "Don't tell me that the man who has about thirteen orgies a week is embarrassed by me simply saying pull out. You've really become quite the prude these last few days," she said as she stood up from her vanity. I opened my mouth to speak, trying desperately to explain to her that that simply wasn't the case. But, then I remembered-to her it was. I had assumed the role of the man I killed and now I was forced to bear his shortcomings even though they weren't mine.

"Point is, dear-you can't fix this for her. Hela needs to fail, to revel in that failure. She needs to find healthy outlets for herself and even really...find herself," she explained as she closed the giant velvet curtains in our room. With a wave of her hand, she lit every candle-leaving the room glowing with warmth.

"But what do I do? When she fails? Even right now when she feels the way she does?" I questioned as I watched Sigyn undo the bed for us.

"You support her," Sigyn replied simply. "Be her hand to grab when she falls down, but at the end of the day-let her get up on her own. She'll figure it out."

"But what if she doesn't? Figure it out I mean?" I asked as I joined Sigyn in bed. She simply smiled, turning on her pillow to face me.

"She'll figure it out. Hela may be young, but she's smart. She reminds me a lot of a young prince I once knew," Sigyn said, gently kissing me on the cheek before she put out the candle flames. The room was left pitch black in just seconds.

"Good night, my love," I whispered as Sigyn cuddled up to me, finding her spot in my arms,

"Go to sleep," she whispered as she laid her head on my shoulder.

Maybe Sigyn was right. Maybe it was time to take the training wheels off for Hela, let her ride free. I had to brace myself for when she may fall or scrape her knee, or even give up. But I had to put my trust in her, just give her a bit of capacity to make her own decisions and real her own consequences even though it made me sick to the stomach.